Sometimes life can really be a struggle. Things never seem to go the way we plan, and we never get what we think we deserve.
The last couple of weeks have shown me that even with forward progress, I can still take steps backwards.
I finished school on the 17th. It was a very bittersweet day for me, since I had begun to feel like such a part of the school. With finishing my position, I was hit with a kind of depression. I mean, here I am, again, searching for a job. And this year seems even more unlikely. I'm frustrated and upset.
I know I have said this many times before, but it is incredibly frustrating to have the ability to do a great job in a school, but have no position available. I KNOW that I do a wonderful job with my students. I love teaching. There just isn't anything available.
Realizing that I am entering my fourth summer of job hunting is scary. What will make this go around any different? How much longer can I, and should I, keep looking for a job that might not be there?
It is an incredibly rough situation and one that I don't know how to deal with anymore.
Over the last two weeks, I have done a lot of thinking about what my whole purpose is. Why am I continuing to pursue a field that grows even more chaotic? Why am I continuing to do this-read a bunch of books to "prove" something to myself and to those around me?
I don't have answers for any of that, but every day that goes by without a phone call offering an interview, with no new job postings, with more anti-teacher stories in the media, I grow more and more disheartened with what I chose to do.
I am looking into other avenues, other places I can share my knowledge. I have some ideas I am mulling over, and obviously as they develop I will share them. But what I have realized that even when what I want isn't working out, I am still doing something of value here.
And I will continue on my journey. I had a little hiccup (if we want to make the connection, this would be when Odysseus stayed with Calypso for seven years-thankfully I was only gone for two weeks).
I finally feel renewed and ready to continue on. Sorry for my absence and now that I am more committed than ever to share my literary journey with all of you.