Sometimes life can really be a struggle. Things never seem to go the way we plan, and we never get what we think we deserve.
The last couple of weeks have shown me that even with forward progress, I can still take steps backwards.
I finished school on the 17th. It was a very bittersweet day for me, since I had begun to feel like such a part of the school. With finishing my position, I was hit with a kind of depression. I mean, here I am, again, searching for a job. And this year seems even more unlikely. I'm frustrated and upset.
I know I have said this many times before, but it is incredibly frustrating to have the ability to do a great job in a school, but have no position available. I KNOW that I do a wonderful job with my students. I love teaching. There just isn't anything available.
Realizing that I am entering my fourth summer of job hunting is scary. What will make this go around any different? How much longer can I, and should I, keep looking for a job that might not be there?
It is an incredibly rough situation and one that I don't know how to deal with anymore.
Over the last two weeks, I have done a lot of thinking about what my whole purpose is. Why am I continuing to pursue a field that grows even more chaotic? Why am I continuing to do this-read a bunch of books to "prove" something to myself and to those around me?
I don't have answers for any of that, but every day that goes by without a phone call offering an interview, with no new job postings, with more anti-teacher stories in the media, I grow more and more disheartened with what I chose to do.
I am looking into other avenues, other places I can share my knowledge. I have some ideas I am mulling over, and obviously as they develop I will share them. But what I have realized that even when what I want isn't working out, I am still doing something of value here.
And I will continue on my journey. I had a little hiccup (if we want to make the connection, this would be when Odysseus stayed with Calypso for seven years-thankfully I was only gone for two weeks).
I finally feel renewed and ready to continue on. Sorry for my absence and now that I am more committed than ever to share my literary journey with all of you.
I certainly feel for you. Education is certainly a chaotic and frustrating place to be. I wish you THE BEST and I hope something comes along fast so the stress can dissipate.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're here reading and sharing with us.
This blog is so valuable, and you inspire so many people.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling low, Allie. I will be (and have been) thinking of you. x
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could wrap up a good job and hand it to you, but alas, I am no magician. Sending you lots of hugs. :/ I *am* glad you'll still be reading here. I love hearing what you said about these classics.
ReplyDeleteI hope something works out for you,and in the meantime I'm glad you have this project to give you purpose and direction. But I hope you feel free to take breaks once in a while, we'll still be here!
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher for twenty six years, I can completely commiserate with your frustration. I see things happening in education that I never saw before, even when there was a slump in the 80's. I encourage you to stick with your dream; if it is teaching, there will be a position for you somewhere, sometime. Then it will be a question of, "Do I want to keep it?" I remember when I was first hired, and I was given the currciulum binders and my classroom. That's it. No other bullshit involved. Now my job is overflowing with bullshit, but that's another story. There is great merit in teaching, as you know, and in doing a job well which will benefit the students you touch.
ReplyDeleteAs to blogging, what can be better than classics? Reading them, discussing them, finding out more about them? That is a wonderful thing you're doing here!
I pray for you in your career journey. It isn't easy even from the end where I am sitting.
Job hunting always sucks, but especially at the moment. I hope something comes your way soon!
ReplyDeleteAs for the blog, I really enjoy reading it, and so i'm very glad you're keeping it up! (sorry I'm so terrible at actually finishing readalongs!:-P)
Aww: I'm sending hugs and good thoughts your way Allie. But I think blogging is a great outlet and bloggers are marvelously supportive, so I'm glad you decided to keep it up!
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to give advice on something like this, so I'll only give you a heartfelt hug from across the ocean :)
ReplyDeleteRe. blogging, think of it as a social activity or/and a creative escape, more than the means to prove something.
Allie, I'll admit that I've been a little worried not to have heard from you lately, so I'm very glad to see you back. I'm sorry that life's been so rough on you recently. It can be hard, I know. I'm glad to hear that you remain committed to your literary journey. It can be good, I think, to have an outlet.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to see your posts. Know that you are in my thoughts.
Oh Allie :( I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling low. You have my sympathies on the job-hunting front.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am very glad you're back to blogging. I often feel I can't keep it up anymore, but as soon as I decide to take a break I miss all the support my blogging friends give me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your job hunting and how discouraged it makes you. I can't give much advice there, but from what I've read on this blog you really are a wonderful teacher and I hope you can put your abilities to good use soon.
ReplyDeleteFrom what it's worth, yours was one of the two blogs that inspired me to open my own and record my reading progress. It's important what you're doing here, both for you and for all of us.
I recommend watching the Daily Show for news. Last time I checked, they had very pro-teacher news. And those of us who are smart know not to blame all the teachers. It is true that *some* teachers are not awesome, but vilifying the group of professionals in charge of making sure the next generation doesn't screw up is not the way to go.
ReplyDeleteAs for the blog, I enjoy reading it, and we're glad to have you back!
I'm sorry for your job frustration. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. It's one of my favorites.
I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. I really hope that something comes along for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you're keeping your blog going, it's one of my favorites and I love it so.
Searching for a job in this economy is so frustrating. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that Allie. I love reading your blog whenever you feel like posting, but I hope it doesn't become a stress thing for you.
ReplyDeleteSo happy to have you back, Allie! As someone who was substitute teaching and aspired to be an English teacher, I certainly feel for what you are going through with your job search. So many teachers have been given the pink slip in my area districts this year and the amount of applicants for any available positions are staggering. It is even that much harder for us in the English/history field, I think. Before my illness kind of took over, I had actually begun to consider taking my aspirations to teaching English at the college level because there does seem to be growth in this area, especially with teaching online classes. Have you considered this kind of move? I will be thinking about you and hope things start to look up! Please know that we love what you do here on your blog and it does have worth! But, don't hesitate to take breaks when you need them. Allie should come first!!
ReplyDeleteLove, Carey :)
I'm thinking of you! Job hunting is teh suck right now. But something will work out for you; I'm sure of it!!!
ReplyDeleteAllie, I hope some good things start happening for you on the teaching front! It can be so discouraging sometimes, but you are touching students lives in ways you may not even know. Thinking of you!
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