Book 2: Confessions.

I finished Crime and Punishment this afternoon when I got off at work and headed to the library. My favorite couch was occupied so I had to find a new chair to perch in with the last 30 or so pages. Luckily I wasn’t interrupted by anyone peering at me and when I shut the back cover I thought to myself, “end of book 2.”

For a book that took me nearly two weeks to read (very unusual), it seemed like an anti-climatic ending. I sat there for a minute and looked out the window at the trail that passes behind the library and just thought about what I had read. This is a habit of mine—to simply reflect on what I have read and let it soak in.

So here are my confessions about Crime and Punishment.

• I was not looking forward to reading it because I thought it was one of those books that were going to be way over my head.


• As I was reading it, I could understand why its one of those books that her bow down to a revere. The moral dilemmas of Raskolnikov just sink into you and you become him, wondering why you committed such a horrid crime.


• Raskolnikov’s theory about crime and people who commit crime really made me think. If there are such things as ordinary and extraordinary people—the extraordinary being the ones who are allowed to do things for the benefit of humanity—who gets to decide who has the extra? I mean, if I declared myself an extraordinary human, can I find an inadequate teacher and off them because I would benefit more students? (No and no I wouldn’t do that. But it’s an example to think about).


• As I finished, I realized that I loved it.
  

So, I am done with the first of the Russian novels on the list, and the first by Dostoevsky. I have some other Russian writers, but on to something a little lighter than crime, punishment, and the beginnings of redemption.

Book 2: Favorite Passages.

I was talking to a girl at work, Kyla, about how long it is taking me to get through Crime and Punishment. Its not that I’m not enjoying it, it’s more that after reading it for thirty or so minutes, I find myself getting depressed. I feel for Raskolnikov, even if he is a murderer.

In this conversation with Kyla, we were joking that I am going to rename it as such: Crime aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd Punishment.

If you’ve read the novel, you’ll know that the crime happens early on and the formal punishment for Raskolnikov occurs with about 20 or so pages left (at least that’s how many pages in my edition). The whole middle part is filled with plots involving his mother and sister, an old employer of his sister, a friend, some insanity, and all kinds of other pieces of drama.

With all that said, I actually really like the novel. In fact, I have over 50 pages marked with post-its. I don’t want to post all 50, but here are some of my favorites.

The first is from the portion of the book where Katerina Ivanovna is hosting a dinner after her husband’s funeral. I like this line simply because it’s a whole lot of ladies:

“To this Amalia Ivanovna very appropriately observed that she had invited those ladies, but ‘those ladies had not come, because those ladies are ladies and cannot come to a lady who is not a lady,’” (317).

From a discussion about whether certain people have the right and ability to commit murders:

“’But the real geniuses,’ asked Razumihin frowning, ‘those who have the right to murder? Oughtn’t they to suffer at all even for the blood they’ve shed?’

‘Why the word ought? It’s not a matter of permission of prohibition. He will suffer if he is sorry for his victim. Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth,’ he added dreamily, not in the tone of the conversation,” (215).

And before a character commits suicide:

“’Well, brother, I don’t mind that. It’s a good place. When you are asked, you just say he was going, he said, to America.’ He put the revolver to his right temple.

‘You can’t do it here, it’s not the place,’ cried Achilles, rousing himself, his eyes growing bigger and bigger.

Svidrigailov pulled the trigger (417).”

Just a favorite:

“There is a line in everything which it is dangerous to overstep; and when it has been overstepped, there is no return,” (245).

There are many more, but I don’t want to rewrite the entire thing here. I am almost done, just a few pages left!

Book 2: Pretty Girl with Big Book.

I like going to the library to read. It’s a different environment from being at home or a coffee shop. The people there are usually so absorbed in what they’re doing that you can feel free to get your own work done without being interrupted.

Personally, I think that the Rochester Hills Public Library is one of the nicest I’ve been in. They offer great programs for teens and the staff has always been super helpful whenever I have had to do research in the past.

And they also have some super comfortable couches and chairs that I like to curl up in. Comfort is important while reading, otherwise its just torture.

So, I went to the library today to do some reading away from home. After dealing with the crowded portion of the comfy couches, I saw that my favorite reading spot had been vacated. I packed up my things and journeyed over to my favorite couch. It’s located right by the mystery, romance, and science fiction sections and it’s not in a heavily trafficked area. There are a couple of study corrals nearby, but it’s pretty isolated.

I curled up with my copy of Crime and Punishment and started reading. After about a half hour I noticed an older Indian man walking in the romance section. I thought it was odd but brushed it off. Then he peered around the corner and stared at me before turning around and walking away.

Again, I thought it was really odd and returned to C and P. Then, he popped out again and gestured to my book.

“You read a big book!”

I nodded and showed him the title.

“I’m sorry. I no want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, its okay,” and I smiled.

“It just unusual-to see pretty girl with such big book!” He gestured widely and I looked down at my copy of C and P and blushed. It’s not THAT big.

“Oh…well….” Awkward!

“You enjoy you big book! I go now.” And he turned and left.

The library never ceases to amaze me.

Book 2: Crimes of the Past.

As I am reading about Raskolnikov’s struggle with what he did in Crime and Punishment, I am struggling with how I feel about the book.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the book. I find it to be far better than what I had thought, but I can’t help but stop and think about the point of the book. Raskolnikov is agonizing over what he did-the murder of two innocent women-and its causing me to agonize over things I am not proud of.

It also makes me wonder about all of those people who have done far worse things who are in prison, or on death row, or who are still out in the world without being caught for their crime. I am sure that many of them feel horribly for the things they did once, but I know there are those who don’t feel bad. They believe they were in the right and their crime was justified.

But can any wrong doing towards another individual be justified? You could get into the small technicalities-little white lies, small judgments, being deceitful-up to the big issues-infidelity, stealing, etc.

I just simply don’t think that any “crime” can be justified, no matter what the circumstances surrounding that crime. And that is the issue that Raskolnikov is wrapping his head around. He had himself convinced that he was in the right for wanting to off the pawnbroker because she was unfair and had money which was going to be given away to one person once she was dead. After she’s dead and the crime is committed, he is starting to think differently.

How many times have I felt the same way after saying or doing something I thought to be completely correct?

This is a hard read, not because of the difficulty of the book, but because of how it is making me feel about myself and the decisions I have made. I think I am starting to see why this book is as recognized as it is. It’s not about Raskolnikov and his punishment after his crime.

Instead, it’s about the reader and their feelings towards the crimes they have committed in their own life. And looking back at your wrongs is never a comfortable experience.

I think I have far more in common with Raskolnikov than I thought I did. And so do you.

Book 2: Living with Guilt.

I managed to finish the first part of Crime and Punishment today. I actually flew through these first 70 pages even though I haven’t had a lot of extra time to read. And surprisingly, I am liking this book far more than I thought I would.

I think that I had some preconceived notion that this book was going to be torture to read. As a kid in high school and even in college, Crime and Punishment was one of those books that only the really educated read and loved. For some reason, I think that I believed it was too far above me for me to like it, or that I wasn’t smart enough to get through it. That does not seem to be the case.

There is a lot of argument about why we even teach the “classics” to teenagers in the first place. There are good arguments on both sides, but I think that many, many teenagers just don’t “Get” the classics when they read them. At fourteen, can you really comprehend Great Expectations? Perhaps and perhaps not.

So I think that the first time I tried to read this I just couldn’t get it because I wasn’t old enough and I hadn’t lived enough to connect with it.

Rascal (see the previous post if you are confused by the name) commits a crime because he thinks he can live with the consequences. In this first part, it sets up his decision to actually go through with his plan and not just think about it.

I won’t give away much of the story if I tell you his crime, but if you really don’t want to know, stop reading now.


Rascal decides to commit the murder of an older lady, a pawnbroker who is rumored to have money stored up. Since Rascal is poor and needs money, and the woman is “Evil” and mean to her younger sister, would Rascal actually be doing society a favor by killing her off? That is his moral dilemma.

He knows the consequences and knows that he can get caught. But he also knows his situation and how that money could benefit not only him, but the others who might come in contact with him after he has all of that money in his possession. He also knows that the woman is not well-liked and that he might be doing many people a favor by killing her off himself.

But no matter how evil and how corrupt, is there really any time to commit such a crime like that? Even if you knew the extent of what that person would do in their lifetime, would you still be able to live with the consequences?

Obviously I haven’t found the answer within the context of the story, as I’m not that far yet.

But I can’t help but think that the guilt and shame from committing so heinous a crime would never leave you and it would be something to haunt you for a lifetime. It offers a lot to think about.

If you would have known who Hitler would become, would you have faced the guilt of killing another human being?

What about Saddam Hussein?

Or Joseph Stalin?

Or a child molester?

Or a kidnapper?

I leave you with some words from Dostoevsky:

“Kill her, take her money and with the help of it devote oneself to the service of humanity and the good of all. What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by thousands of good deeds?” (page 53)

Book 2: Crime and Punishment and Russian Names.

Well, you voted and after 21 votes Crime and Punishment won as the next book I am reading.

*sigh*

I was hoping that something else would win because my one previous experience with Crime and Punishment didn’t go so well. When I was a senior in high school I was in A.P. English. Every month we had to read a book off of the A.P. English list and Crime and Punishment was my choice one month. After finally getting a copy I sat down to read it. When I finished about 30 pages, I set it aside and I had no idea what I had read. Literarily, I couldn’t recall a thing I had read and was on the verge of tears.

I gave up and told my teacher I needed to read something else. I read The Awakening instead.

Now I have to read it again. Ugh.

But I did start it and surprise, its not as bad as I remembered. Actually, I kind of like it, although it is slow and rather detailed. I am also struggling with the names. I have no Russian background so I am attempting to pronounce these names in my head.

Usually when I am reading fantasy, I come across names that are unfamiliar, so I simply make up something in my head that sounds like the letters I am seeing on the page. But these Russian names…..they’re hurting my head. My brain can’t seem to process these names and I stumble over them every time I see one.

So, to fix all this, I am renaming the main characters as I come across them in hopes that it will make it a little easier to get through the story without getting tripped up on names.

The main character has been referred to as either the young man or Raskolnikov. I have decided to call him Rascal. And the man name Marmeladov I am just calling Ma.

Perhaps Fyodor Dostoevsky won’t approve but I do need to keep my sanity.