Remembering Rachel.

Picture taken December 26, 2009

Last Monday, we lost my grandmother Rachel.

Back in August, she decided she was done. While not sick with anything specific, she was tired. IN her lifetime she's had heart surgeries, diabetes, arthritis, and dementia. And she was tired of treating it. So, she gained hospice care in her home, and spent the last two months in a slow decline.

And while we knew it was coming, it didn't make last Monday any easier, or the days after.

I got a text message from my mom with the news while I was in my fifth hour. I excused myself and called my siblings as my mom asked. And then I broke down a little in the English office. It was a few minutes later that my principal found me and then ushered me to his office with his arm around me. He let me compose myself and he arranged for a sub for the rest of the day. I drove home relatively calm, calling my aunt.

It wasn't until I got home and flung my arms around Matt that I really let myself go.

The days following weren't easy. The visitation was all day Wednesday, and the funeral on Thursday. We had a burial service in addition to mass, and that was the hardest part of the week. We all placed a red rose on her casket to say our final goodbyes. As I grasped the wood of her casket, I just sobbed.

It's hard to say goodbye to someone who has had such a profound impact on your life. My grandmother was a spirited and independent woman. Her husband, my grandfather, died 34 years ago. Every night, while she still could, she said a rosary in his name. She lit candles at church for all of us, and in the years when I was really struggling (the early years of this blog), she said extra prayers for me in hopes I would finally land the job I dreamed of.

She also prayed for Matt and I-we struggled a lot financially, and knowing she was rooting for us always encouraged me. There were many times where we would chat at family gatherings and she'd grasp my hand and tell me it would be okay-that it would all be better one day.

She loved Matt. She told me once that he was my perfect other half, and that in some ways he reminded her of my grandfather-proud, strong, and undeniably caring. She always cheered for us.

I'm not sure if it has really sunk in, and I know these things take time. But she was my last grandparent, and that is a sobering thought. Where have all my wise sages gone? Who will root for me and cheer me on? And tell me things will be okay?

I know it will get easier, but it's still a little raw and open.

I just miss her spirit and sass....but I know I have a bit of the same in me, and I suppose that makes it easier.

Weekly Wrap-up for February 23, 2014: Done with Winter.

I love the winter. I really do. I love the snow and the cold and the layers of clothing I get to wear. As a teacher, I love the occasional snow day and the excitement of the kids the day before a big snowstorm. I love cuddling up under warm blankets with a cup of hot cocoa and bowls of hot soup.

But I'm done now.

This has been, by far, the worst winter I can remember. From below freezing temperatures, to massive piles of snow, the last two months have been a blur of never-ending snow, cold, and freezing rain. And while I'm not at all ready for the heat and summer months to get here, I'd be okay with slightly warmer temps (it did get up to 40 earlier this week. I actually drove home with my windows cracked to enjoy the "nice" weather).

I'm also quite sick of the snow days. We had Friday off....for "hazardous road conditions." That was our 7th snow day since January. I was actually mad when I got the call at 5 in the morning! Now it's up in the air as to whether we need to make up the day. We get 6 snow days built into our calendar year, so now we might have to stay later in June. And I know our district isn't that bad off-some schools have had 10 or more days!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a change in the weather, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen any time soon (more snow this week....yay). I think the kids are looking forward to it too!

The good news is that Spring Break is looming and I'll be heading out to California with Matt and my parents to visit my sister Torrie. She graduated from college back in December and got another internship with Disney (she interned down in Florida a couple years ago). We'll be there for the week (Matt a little less because of work), so we're planning on hitting up the Hollywood area as well. It's dreams of warm California weather that are keeping me going. :)

In reading, I haven't been too focused. I'm still in the middle of a bunch of things, but I have plans to at least start The Sound of the Mountain by Yasunari Kawabata this week. The Classics Club issued a dare to read the novel, so I'm going to tackle it so I can dare others. :) It looks interesting and my copy arrived last week, so it'll be next up. I'm also trying to finish 7 Events that Made America America by Larry Schweikart, but it's going rather slowly....it has a very obvious conservative slant that gets distracting...I'll admit that I've skimmed a few passages. The ideas behind the book are interesting; however, so I'm not ready to declare it as DNF.

I also started the second book in A Song of Ice and Fire a couple weeks ago, and I've been meaning to finish it, so I assume that'll be next up. I ready to dive back in to Westeros after a month or so away from it. I think spacing out those books was a great idea, but now I need to make sure I finish through book 3 by the time the show premieres again in April.

I hope you all have a happy reading week!

On Living with Lupus.

This is a post I've been throwing around in my head for months, and after a recent chat with my doctor last week, it's one I've been working on for a few days. I find that I often struggle with explaining just what Lupus does to my body. I know that because the people around me don't experience it the way I do, they can't understand the disease and its impact on my body and life. I'm hoping that by writing this, it'll be a little bit of an education, and perhaps help anyone who bothers reading it understand how a chronic illness works.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Lupus in November 2012. I went through a series of tests in the months prior to figure out the cause of a slew of crazy things happening with my body, but the real beginning to it took place when I was only 5 or 6. I have very vague memories of being sick when I was in first grade. From the details I remember, I had a crazy virus that the doctors couldn't figure out-huge stomach cramps, fevers, problems with my eyes-I believe they eventually were considering Kawasaki disease, but I didn't have every single on of the symptoms. Whatever the virus was, it left my immune system in shambles and the doctors warned my mom that severe autoimmune diseased might be in my future.

Fast forward to high school when I was diagnosed with a mild case of rheumatoid arthritis. I thought that would be it, but nope.

In the summer of 2012, I started to have some weird issues popping up-unexplained sores in my mouth and down my throat, chunks of hair falling out, weird rashes on my body, difficulty breathing and fluid build-up in my lungs, feeling completely exhausted even after hours and hours of sleep, problems with my eyes (randomly un-focusing and little sores forming under my eyelids), as well as severe amounts of joint pain-and not just in areas impacted by my RA, but everywhere. I knew something was wrong, so my doctor started testing, referred me to a specialist, and after a few months of blood work, etc, I was "diagnosed" with Lupus. My doctor still considers my case to be "mild" and for that I am grateful.

After my diagnosis, we battled with medication. I never wanted to be a person to be on a pill for the rest of my life, but we finally settled on something that seems to work for me. I get bi-weekly injections of a drug called Humira (I'm sure you see ads for it on TV. Embrel is another injection that works for other people). When my joints get really bad, I go in for steroid injections, which my doctors places right into each joint that aches. I've also been put on stronger steroids for various problems over the last year-mainly fluid build-up in my lungs. I've had a series of respiratory infections and bouts of walking pneumonia, so my lungs are week. I carry an inhaler with me all the time and use it daily (the cold weather is especially harsh on my lungs). We've also considered a drug called Methotrexate, which is commonly used in chemo treatments, but we've held off since my case of Lupus isn't as severe as many others'.

In many ways, I'm very lucky. I've been lucky not to have a lot of unpleasant side-effects (yet...symptoms change as the disease progresses), and I have an excellent doctor. He always makes time to see me, even if it isn't something directly Lupus-related. He has also arranged for me to come in for my Humira injections as opposed to me giving them to myself. I'll be honest and say they hurt pretty bad, so I would chicken out on doing it at home. And while I know Matt would give them to me, I'm not ready for that. But my doctor always makes it a point to sit down and talk to me, and not just about the disease. He cares about my whole self, and he's the one who convinced me to write about my life with the disease.

Most days I feel perfectly fine. I can carry on and feel completely normal. Then I have the in-between days where my lungs are hurting more than normal, I can feel the aching in my joints, and I just want to sit. Then, there are the bad days. Now that we have my meds stabilized, those bad days don't come as often. A bad day usually means I can't go in to work. On some bad days, it takes me twenty minutes just to sit up in bed. My hands usually hurt to the point where I can't grasp things (like my phone or a pen to write, let alone buttoning jeans), and my whole body just hurts. On bad days, I just stay in bed and watch TV, hoping the next day will bring relief.

Last year, as I was battling with the disease and getting it under control, I had a lot of bad days. Some were worse than others. Low points included falling down. There was one night where Matt was in the bathroom and I fell trying to walk in to our bedroom. Matt had to help pick me up and get me to bed. There are a lot of humiliating moments like that, but thankfully he's been there to help me.

When I have a slew of bad and not-so-awesome days together, that's a flare. When I'm flaring, there's usually a lot going on with my body. I break out in rashes across my cheeks (it's called the butterfly rash. Some Lupus patients have it permanently-I only get it in flares, and it disappears). My joints are usually swollen and inflamed. Last year I had to take multiple days off because of these flare-ups and bad days. I've been fortunate to not have to do that this year. The times I've felt bad or been flaring have been over breaks, or I toughed it out until the weekend.

As for how people treat me?

This is probably the hardest thing about Lupus. Like I said, on most days, I feel perfectly fine. I look fine. Even on my in-between days I probably look fine. It's only when I'm really hurting that I look bad. As a friend at work says, I get "glassy-eyed." I think that's her kind way of telling me I look like death. What's hard is that on those in-between days, I'm still hurting. And no one quite seems to get what that means, or how painful it is. I try very hard not to whine when I'm not feeling good, but I'm not sure how good of a job I do.

I think that what bothers me most is when people tell me what I should be doing to feel better. The most common thing I hear is go be active and walk around-then I won't be as tired and I'll "get the joints moving!" And while I can understand the sentiment there...no. That doesn't help. When my joints are inflamed and swollen and it hurts to bend them, the last thing I really want to do is go take a walk.

I also hear that my body would probably be better able to fight the disease if I was in better shape. Don't I know it. You can bet I've heard it from my doctor, my mother, my husband, and myself. I know that losing weight would alleviate some extra pressure off of my joints. And I'm trying. But it is hard to exercise in the midst of bad days. I really wish that advice would stop.

One of the hardest things to deal with is my students. I know that some of my kids know that I get sick every so often, and some have ventured to ask why (more so last year), but this isn't something you pop out and say...and is it their business? I battle with that. Sometimes I really want to finish grading their essays, but just can't hold a pen anymore. It would probably be easier to just tell them, but then it's an excuse, right? I don't know. I don't have answers for that.

The other hard topic is having kids. I was flat-out told by my doctor that while not impossible, it will be very difficult for me to conceive and stay pregnant. That's the nature of Lupus. So my only other pet peeve revolves around people asking....I guess I'm at that age. So many friends and family members are starting families and we're still here.

Don't get me wrong. I have faith. I just don't want the questions.


I will say that in the last year I've learned a lot about myself as a person. I think I am more in tune with my body now than when I was in great shape. I know when I'm pushing myself too hard. I know when I've hit my limit of stress and need to step away. I've balanced work and home life so that I'm not putting too much on myself. I know when I've hit my limit and need to stop.

I've also learned that I'm not going to let things get in my way. I have dreams and I'm going for them. When I'm feeling up to it, I write. And while it might not be any good, I'm doing it. And I read the things that move me in the moments I need them. I hug my husband and tell him I love him. I cuddle on the couch with my cats and they comfort me when I'm feeling awful. I teach my kids at school all the things they need to know about history and literature and writing, but also about how to be a good person, how to love and care for each other. At least I hope I do.

And I just try to push through each day in hopes that I make a difference somewhere.

In many ways...I guess I'm grateful for this. It has redefined who I am in a good way and has given me the push I needed to push myself. I think I have become more passionate about the things I love in the last year: Matt, my family, my "kids," writing, education, literacy, my home....Lupus, while a challenge, has also been a blessing.

I hope I explained myself well. Please let me know if you have questions about anything-the disease, my life, my wonderful husband, anything. I'd be happy to answer.

Weekly Wrap-up for February 16, 2014: Valentine's, Reading, and Meeting Mascha.

This was an incredibly long week considering I wasn't at school on Monday (huge flare-had to go to the doctor for shots) and we had a half day/PD gig on Thursday. It seemed like things were never ending and there was just too much going on! First, I was not feeling well to start the week, and didn't really start to feel like myself until Friday. Then, our cat Sparty had a lump under his chin that seemed to appear overnight (it turned out to be an abscess-he's all better now). THEN, my car was hit by a student in the staff parking lot between our half day of testing in the morning and PD meetings on Thursday (the car and student are fine-it was just a big mess).

So I entered this weekend exhausted and ready for a break. And believe it or not, we have a 4-day weekend for President's Day and our "Mid-winter" break. It seems as if we've had more days off than school (6 snow days post-Christmas break), but I'm not going to complain too much. I needed this little break! I have some things to finish planning so I can get to our Spring Break at the end of March without too much stress.

I am shocked it's mid-February though...where is this year going?

Anyway, a highlight of my week came on Thursday. Matt decided he would rather take me out to dinner then instead of Friday. He had to work Friday and didn't want to go out super late (he generally gets home on the weekends at 7:30/8). So, we went out Thursday to "celebrate" Valentine's Day. We've never been super big for celebrating things like that. I mean, we usually go out to a nice dinner, but that's about it. We don't really exchange gifts or partake in any of that....but he really surprised me on Thursday and I rather liked it. ;) He bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers-with lilies! My favorite! Then we went and ate at our favorite restaurant in Downtown Rochester and there he surprised me with a beautiful bracelet. I was a bit shocked, since dinner was definitely enough. It's beautiful and I wore it Friday. :)

The kids were also especially cute on Valentine's Day. Since I work in a high school, you can bet there were a million grand gestures of affection going on. Girls walking around with bears, roses, chocolate....you name it. I also loved that quite a few kids bought Valentine's cards and passed them out. I also had way too many heart-shaped cookies and candies. It was a very warm and loving day for everyone involved and I think the kids needed that bit of fun to break up the stress of school.

Since it was such a long and tiring week, I decided I needed some good reads for the weekend. I headed off to the bookstore to pick up a couple of newer releases to keep me company-Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith and Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I read books by both authors this summer that I absolutely loved, so I knew I needed to read these (I read Winger and Eleanor and Park). I plopped down on the couch yesterday to settle into Grasshopper Jungle and read it in one long, luxurious sitting. My thoughts will be posted on Thursday. I barely started Fangirl earlier this morning, so I'm going to settle in for a little bit to read more this morning/early afternoon.

Tonight, we have a family dinner at my mom's to meet my brother's girlfriend, Mascha. She's from the Netherlands and is here for a couple of weeks to meet everyone and spend more time with my brother, so it should be a fun meal. :)

I hope you all have a happy reading week!

On Finding Balance.

We had a "cold day" today when wind chills were at -25 this morning. That marked the 4th day we've had off from school since school "restarted" on January 8 (I say it that way because we had the 8-10th off for snow/cold days). It was also a big bummer because we were scheduled to have a half-day today for the last day of exams (5th and 6th hour). So, instead the kids got an unexpected 3-day weekend and a random half-day on Monday for their exams. I'm grateful they gave us the half-day, so I can get all my exams graded and entered before we're required to report grades on Tuesday morning.

But the whole situation threw a wrench into my plans. Since the phone call to cancel school came rather late last night, I was a little hazy on exactly what was expected of me this morning. I was pretty sure I heard that buildings would be open for the staff, but after reading my e-mail this morning, I saw that I was mistaken and only the elementary buildings were open. So, my plans to go in and work in my quiet classroom were thrown out the window and I was stuck here at home all day.

I took advantage of the quiet this morning and settled in to finish Sister Carrie-thoughts coming next week. And after that? I putzed around, not sure what to do and avoiding my grading pile. Truth be told, I'm quite sick of grading and need a little break!

So, I settled in to straightening up the never-ending clutter and my bookshelves.

In the months I was away from blogging, I did read, but it was minimal and rarely something already on my shelves. I think I was pretty anti-reading, to be honest, and when the mood struck, I felt like getting something new-nothing appealed to me that I already owned. The result was that after reading these new books, I would just set them anywhere, rather than putting them on the shelves were they belonged. A good example? Matt and I went on a little vacation in northern Michigan in early July, and I just found that stack of books sitting on the floor in our office (which is still a disaster that I'm going to attack later). In that pile were some good books-The Bell Jar, The Grapes of Wrath, and A Farewell to Arms. I never read the Hemingway, and I don't think I even blogged about the Steinbeck, which I loved.

I think that tells you about the mental state I was in and how I felt about this space. I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again: I began to realize that blogging and my online presence was becoming less important to my sanity.

So what's changed?

I guess you can say that I have "returned" to blogging. I've been reading a little more diligently-returning to taking notes and marking places to discuss in blog posts. I made challenge lists. I revamped the look of my online space, crafted a new identity for myself, and I'm slowly working my way back to other blogs to read and comment. So how does that all connect to my sanity?

I think that anyone who has spoken with me, written to me, or read my words knows that I am a very passionate and dedicated teacher. I love my job. For me, I gain satisfaction from watching my students succeed and prosper. I love being in my classroom, interacting with teenagers and watching them discover literature and history in the way I did when I was their age. Teaching truly fulfills me.

For awhile, the blog filled that whole, then I got that fulfillment from school. But in diving into school with 100% of my being, I burned out personally. After realizing that I was sick last year and coming to terms with the extent of my diagnosis and what it means for me now and in the future, I had to take a break.

It took until the fall to realize that I needed to rebalance my life. I'm a person who will dive into something with everything I've got...and I will pour myself into it until I burn out. I'm pretty sure that's what happened with blogging. And I'm pretty sure my attention and 100% devotion to school led to some of the massive Lupus flares I had last year (I feel like I need to explain what I mean by my crazy addiction to school-grading for hours and hours after school, editing students papers before they turned them in, creating everything from scratch even though I had other resources, checking my school e-mail constantly when at home on weekends in case a student asked a question-all great things, but too much).

I had a chat with my doctor in early summer, after a nasty flare leveled out and when we made the determination to put me on Humira injections in addition to some of my other medication, about taking care of myself. In this conversation, we talked about my interests, my passions, and my work. He stressed to me then that I had to find a balance between my own life and my life at school. I had the summer to think it over, to try to find that balance and come to terms with what changes I needed to make to find myself in a happy place.

And for some reason, when school started, I found myself in a happier state. I was prepared for my classes and while certainly swamped with grading at times, I felt much lighter than I did the year before. I kept bracing myself for a nasty Lupus flare and it never came (I'm currently closing in on 8 months without a severe flare. I've had bad days, of course, but never the weeks of pain and sickness that I had before). I'm sure a great deal of that had to do with my medication finally being figured out, but I think a larger part of it came down to being okay mentally. To setting time aside for myself-to watch TV, crochet, be with my husband, go out with friends, read a book, write a poem, etc.

And guess what....I'm a far better teacher this year than I was when I was throwing my entire being into work. My students' test scores are way higher than they were last year (yes, some revised tests, but I'm also teaching much more effectively), I'm having more fun at work, and I'm enjoying the fact that I can be okay with leaving work at work a couple times a week. I'm sure that many other people had this figured out a LONG time ago-it just took me awhile.

So today, when I was shelving books and spending all this time thinking to myself about all of this, I thought that perhaps that same thing applied here-to blogging. I think I've found a balance here as well. Of course, it's hard to get back into the swing of things, but I'm happy with where I am, where I'm going, and the decisions I've made. Like teaching last year, I threw myself into blogging and reading only the classics. And I burned out, HARD. Now that I have rebalanced myself, I feel much better about making this into a space that truly reflects me, my personality, and the dusty shelves that are home to so many stories I have yet to read.

I finally feel excited about blogging again-in the same way I did way back in 2009 when I had this crazy idea in the first place. It's a good feeling.

28.

Today is my 28th birthday! And while I'm not that excited about getting older, I am glad to put 27 behind me.

The last year has been incredibly eventful. I started my first official year of teaching. My brother had his first baby-my Goddaughter Zoey-in October. I was diagnosed with Lupus. And I've struggled to balance the different aspects of my life-mainly keeping a balance between work, illness, and my sanity.

So, I am glad to put 27 behind me, and I am looking forward to 28 with high hopes. I'm going to be starting my second official year of teaching (which I am really excited about-I've started prepping already!). Zoey is going to be turning 1. Watching her get bigger and being a big part of her life has been amazing. I consider it prep for a future kiddo in my future. ;) Matt and I have plans for potentially seeking out a house in the future (the original plan was to start looking this fall, but I don't think we're ready). Also, I want to keep my health in check, and since starting a new medication (Humira), I've been feeling a lot more optimistic about staying healthy.

And, of course, lots and lots of reading.

I've never been more grateful for my corner of the internet. The last year was emotionally trying, and I am so glad that when I did come and write, there was always someone listening. That has been a big comfort to me. So thank you.

Here's to another great year!

Weekly Wrap-up for Janaury 27, 2013: The Nightmare.

I had really big plans for this week-starting my new classes, beginning discussions on World War II and The Great Gatsby (I was SO EXCITED to talk about the green light).

All of that was thrown away when I came home on Wednesday to find Matt in bed shivering and looking horrible. I woke him up to talk to him and learned that he had been vomiting since BEFORE he went to work the previous day (Note: On Mondays and Tuesdays, we work opposite schedules. He goes to work at 4 in the afternoon and works through the night). So, Matt had been getting sick for over 24 hours.

I let him sleep for a couple hours, then woke him up with a hot bowl of soup. It didn't go well. He couldn't keep it down, and looking at him, I just knew something wasn't right. We decided to go to an urgent care facility a little down the road to get him looked at. I was concerned about his blood sugar level, since he is a type 1 diabetic. I was right to worry. After they got us into a room, I mentioned his diabetes, which got them moving (I should have mentioned it when we walked in). They tested his sugar and he couldn't even sit up. His sugar was at 402 (which is HIGH). Immediately they told me to take him to the hospital, so over to the ER we went.

After being admitted, they took us back almost immediately to a small room and got him hooked up to IVs, etc. His blood sugar was higher, he was still getting sick, and it was horrible. He was so dehydrated that they couldn't get into his veins to give him medicine and insulin. At one point, his blood sugar was so high (over 500) that when the nurse asked him to identify me he said, "I have no idea."

They made the decision to put him into the ICU after that, so we traveled upstairs. The meanest nurse told me to go "Wait somewhere" while they set him up. At that point, it was super late, I was alone, hysterical, and just wanted my husband to be okay. I may have lost it a bit in the waiting room, and eventually she came to tell me I could come see him.

It was so scary to see him hooked up to a lot of machines. They were worried about his heart rate since it was so high. But at least he was awake and talked to me a bit. The room had one chair, so I sat down and settled in for the night. I kid you not, that mean nurse told me at least ten times to go home (Matt agrees that she was really rude). I was not about to leave my husband alone in the ICU. Thankfully, another nurse brought me a blanket and tried to make me comfortable so I could sit with him during the night. I slept a little, but woke up every time they checked his sugar. At around 5, I snapped awake and Matt was awake too. He looked so much better, so we talked for a little while. I had to run home to feed the animals, call in for a sub, and sleep for a couple hours.

I was back by 9:30, and they decided to move him out of the ICU since his sugar level stabilized. At that point, it sank in he would be okay. From there, we spent the next two days waiting for his other levels to regulate themselves and getting some food in his stomach (he hadn't kept anything down since Monday night). He was finally able to come home Friday.

I am so glad to have him home. He feels a million times better, and it's great to see him looking like himself. He has a lot of bruises on his arms from all the needles and bloodwork, and the tips of fingers are bruised from them testing his sugar so much.

I feel really drained (emotionally) from everything that happened, but I am so grateful for my co-workers. They really helped me pull together lessons and make sure the subs were comfortable with my classes. The media specialist, a good friend of mine, stepped in and taught my history classes on Friday so the kids would have a break from book work.

The kids have also been quite sweet. I posted on my webpage that I wouldn't be in, simply saying my husband was in the hospital, and I've gotten some very concerned and sweet e-mails hoping he gets better.

I'm so happy to have such a warm and supportive group of people around me, but most of all, I'm glad Matt is home with me and on the mend.

School is Starting!

I wanted to update with a quick post to let you know what was going on around here!

I hope it has been obvious that I have been crazy busy in the last few weeks. I've been devoting some extra time to The Classics Club and the new blog. I've also been in a little bit of a reading slump and have been trudging through the titles on my nightstand.

But, most of my free time has been spent preparing for school, which starts next Tuesday. I'm doing okay with my planning, but I always feel like I could be doing more, you know? And with professional development starting yesterday, classes to plan for, and a classroom to prep, I just want to give you a little notice that it might be a little quiet around here for a week or two. :) So, not an official break, just a notice that I'm running around pulling my hair out. And trying to create amazing lessons to make my students love learning!

I'm sure that once I get back into the routine of things I'll be fine, but I have to figure all this business out. :)

Weekly Wrap-up for August 12, 2012: Park Ramblings and a Bit of Bookish Stuff.

Whew. I can't believe another week has gone by. And while I know I've been a little busy, it seems as if nothing has gotten done round these parts!

Sassafras Tree Leaves

I'm still working at the park (my last day is this Friday), and that has proven to be a bit crazy this week. One of our Rangers, Lance, hosted an Adventure Day Camp on Monday through Thursday morning (the campers spent the night Wednesday in the park). A lot of time this week was spent with the kids as they learned forestry skills, worked on survival skills, and made lots of cool things. Some of the pictures accompanying this post were taken while I was with the campers!

They learned to identify certain kinds of trees, including my new favorite, the Sassafras tree! The mature leaves look like dinosaur feet, don't they?

The kids also crafted walking sticks from Sugar Maple branches. We skimmed the bark off the branches, sanded them smooth, carved places for their fingers, then the other Ranger, Al, burned designs into the tops of the sticks for decoration (Al is an artist outside the park-he carves marble and forges things in bronze!). One girl had a horse head burned into the top of her walking stick, then had little horseshoe marks going all the way down her stick. Al is still working on mine (its going to have a dragon. :) Nerdy, I know).

Archery Bruise. Yeah, it hurt!

We also spent some time helping the kids learn to shoot with a bow and arrow. For anyone who follows me on Instagram, you may have seen the results of my first attempt (Yeah, I included it here!). I stupidly didn't bend my elbow and after I launched my very first arrow, I felt a bad stinging on my arm! The picture shows what it looked like the next day! Needless to say, I learned my lesson and fixed my arm during the next few practice sessions. Shooting was really fun and the kids got into it. We even attached balloons to the target to try and pop them!

I also worked on conquering a fear. Well, kind of. You see, I'm a bit scared of snakes. I don't mind them if they're in a cage or habitat at the zoo, but seeing them out and about kind of freaks me out. Yeah, I'm a bad park employee.

Just a little guy!

Anyway, the two girl campers found a little baby garter snake and were so in love with the thing-holding it, asking to keep it, etc, that I felt a bit silly not even wanting to touch it. So after brushing its back with my fingers, I agreed to hold it for a minute. It wasn't that bad! :)

He felt a lot different than I thought he would, and while I wasn't that excited by the amount of squiggling around he did, or his back end wrapping around my fingers, I'm glad that I at least held him for a bit. It also made it easier to grab him when he escaped his aquarium home later that evening and was rustling around the park office!

Besides the camp, we've been working hard to get the park in good order before the seasonals leave for the year. I'm leaving a bit earlier than usual because of school-I need some time to prep my classes-but the college kids are also leaving! Al has been working us hard-trimming trails for the cross country meets this fall, spreading new layers of woodchips on all the city's playgrounds, etc. I've come home exhausted every night. Not to mention we have some crazy soccer groups coming in and dealing with their messes and attitudes has become a daily chore!

Favorite trail in the park!

I did take some time earlier this week, in a spot of good weather, to drive around and just appreciate the park. Sometimes I get so caught up in all the daily shenanigans that I forget why I like working there in the first place. I get plenty of fresh air and sunshine in the summer, and new experiences are pretty common.

This is why it always saddens me when people take parks and nature for granted. I get a little huffy when I see people litter outside of the park because I know that someone will have to pick it up! I groan inside when people tell me they don't want to pay an entrance fee because they pay taxes (because really, your taxes come to things like parks LAST. We have to charge to maintain and upkeep the park! If we let our trails go, they would be overgrown in a year!). So, moral of the story is to go out and enjoy your parks-National, State, County, and City!

Anyway, transitioning to other things (can you tell I am a bit nostalgic today?), I did some other fun things this week. On Friday, my mom took me out to go shopping for things for my classroom. :) We headed to the Secondary Teacher Store first and found all kinds of great resources, posters, and other fun things for my room. We also went to a Lakeshore Learning Store even though it is geared towards younger grades. We still found some great things-especially for organization-so I was really happy. And if you have a Lakeshore Learning near you and you have kids, you need to go. They have some pretty awesome stuff for learning! And thanks Mom! My students will love all the stuff I got for the room!

Can't wait to see it once it's fired!

After shopping, I headed home and was going to start cleaning my bathroom when my friend Jackie called and asked if I wanted to go to The Painted Pot with her. I went with her a week or so ago and wasn't that happy with my piece, so I wanted to try again. I ended up making an owl plate and a matching pencil holder-both for my desk at school. :)

Speaking of school, I got better news on Wednesday-I got bumped to full time (I was at a .8 before)! I'm so excited since I'll have a full schedule and a good balance between Social Studies and English. I just need to get cracking on some planning!

Beyond all of that craziness, I haven't had a ton of time to read. I've been slowly working my way through Mansfield Park by Austen, but haven't gotten too far. I'm also in the middle of a book of Norse myths (for the mythology class I am teaching). They're pretty interesting, and I think I found one or two I will use-so bonus!

I also started reading the book of Native American myths and legends and while some of the stories are good, some just aren't suitable for high school students! I do love the stories with Coyote, but I wish I knew more. I haven't really started Edith Hamilton's Mythology just yet, but I will make it a priority in the next week or two.

I also got a slew of new books in the mail. No really, a SLEW. Let me show you...

My mailman must hate me.

Sadly, this post is a bit too long to go through them all, so I will be devoting another post this week just to the contents of this crate. :) I'm a tease, huh? I will tell you that one book is a mythology title, and the others...well, you know the Penguin English Library editions I'm so fond of? Yep. It's an obsession and I have a problem.

Alright, time to get off this computer and spend some time with my wonderful husband (with his new job, Sundays are the only day he has off). Have a wonderful week everyone!

Weekly Wrap-up for July 29, 2012: Thoughts on Blogging and My Future as a Blogger.

It has been quiet here for a couple of weeks. I kind of..."unplugged" for a little bit without really intending to. And then, the longer I was gone, the harder it was to sit down at the computer to type out a post that I wasn't that inspired to write. I do think some of my inspiration has come back for writing, but my reading has been almost at a standstill.

I know it's normal to go through phases as a blogger (and as a person) in regards to what catches your interest and what drives you forward. For almost three years, I have been propelled forward by my online identity. In many ways, my online persona was more important than who I was in real life with the people around me. There have been many times in the last three years where I would simply escape online because I felt comfortable here.

Recently? I haven't felt that way. I have felt awkward and stumbling when I try to compose my thoughts. I feel like an awkward elephant when I try and hold conversations. So, I stopped writing. I stopped obsessively checking twitter on my phone every ten minutes. I stopped reading my Google Reader. I actually stopped coming online to do anything blog related, but instead focused on keeping up with family on Facebook through my phone. That's it.

In many ways, it feels freeing to be away from a computer. There were days when I didn't even come on the computer at all (I will admit to doing things on my phone). I think I have finally found a bit of comfort in things beyond an online identity. I think I am finally okay with who I am outside of this blog.

It has been very easy to let this project consume me when I had nothing else going on. In fact, I convinced myself that as long as I was blogging, I had a purpose. This is probably why I stopped being so active, why I stopped trying to be overly social. I would spend hours reading, visiting blogs, and writing content in hopes it would "fix" me. And while I certainly owe a lot to my online life...there is a lot going on in my personal life that I can also be grateful for.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that Matt recently got a new job. I also landed a teaching position for the fall. In a matter of a couple of weeks, we went from two mid-twenty somethings with "so-so" jobs and barely making ends meet, to being two mid-twenty somethings with real jobs and a purpose. Our lives have changed and our circumstances have changed. All the anger and negativity towards our situation, the economy, etc has reversed. It has left me feeling...stunned.

I am still adjusting to the fact that I am no longer a 27 year-old with two college degrees and no job. I'm a grown-up now. I still cannot wrap my head around the change. And where the blog used to be my focus and my drive, I am now even more focused and driven on being the best teacher I can be. Example: School starts after Labor Day. I have spent HOURS the last couple of days outlining chapters from the World History textbook so I can start prepping power points and lessons. I have contacted other teachers in the school for pacing tips, etc. School is at least 4-5 weeks away. That is how focused I am.

I'm not saying that this change is a bad thing. Like so many other things, my hyper-focus will eventually fade. After all, this is something I do a lot. I find something to consume me until I realize that I can relax (because really, I know that I will create good lessons and I don't have to have everything planned before school starts, you know?).

But I do think some changes are coming to the blog and who I am online. I obviously haven't been online nearly as much recently, and while it was odd at first, I liked being away. I like feeling like I didn't have obligations.

I have also been thinking over the parameters of my reading and the initial goal for the blog. I was supposed to read 250 classics from a list, right? And I am only at 150 or so. Maybe a couple months ago I would have freaked out about that, but now I'm not. Originally I wanted to be done in three years, but that mark is coming up on September 1. Will I read 100 classics by then? No way. So do I think I'll finish in one year? Two years? I have no idea. And...I don't really care.

At this point, I think I have realized that it isn't about reading a list of books and then feeling accomplished when I cross them off. In the last 3 or 4 months, I have read what has grabbed me, whether it be a classic, fantasy novel, or something completely random. It doesn't matter anymore. I still prefer classics over anything else, but is it really going to hurt me to stretch out those last 100 books into 2 more years? 5? even 10? No. What matters is that I have changed as a reader because of my hyper-focus for the last three years.

I don't need to be like that anymore.

So what does that mean? I don't know. I still like blogging. I missed writing while I was "unplugged" and was amazed at how hard it was to get back into with only a small break. But I don't know what blogging will look like in the future. I'm sure it will slacken with school (because it always does), and I think there will still be a few more personal posts. But I don't know what the books will be.

I think...just a little bit of everything.

It is all so up in the air right now that I can't even form it into something coherent to share with you all. I think, just letting you all know that I am uncertain is enough for now. And acknowledging that it is okay to let go of super crazy restrictions you make on yourself. I have felt so confined by my own rules that this bit of freedom has shown me more about myself, if that makes sense.

In any case, that's all I have to say this week.


*I marked my Google Reader as "all read" earlier this week. Please let me know if there is a post I really need to see!*

Weekly Wrap-up for July 15, 2012: On Turning 27 and Really Good News.

Today is my 27th birthday.

There is always something amazing about turning another year older and looking back on the events of the past year. I always wonder whether I am truly wiser and ready to move on to another chapter in my life.

And this year, for the first time in a number of years, I feel really good about what I did in the past year, and where my 27th year is going to take me. I think I grew a lot in the past year in regards to maturity, a sense of self, and a knowledge of what I want to accomplish. And since acknowledging all of those things, I am ready to move forward and put 26 behind me.

I also got some of the best news ever on Thursday, and while I shared it on twitter and facebook, I also want to let all of you know here-I have a teaching position for the fall. :)

I can't tell you how excited I am to have my own classroom and to be able to share with my students everything I am passionate about. I am also blessed in that I will be returning to the school I was just at this spring (I also taught in the same school last school year). I love knowing that I will be returning to a place filled with familiar faces-teachers and students.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That people and places and events happen to us because they are supposed to. That every chance encounter, that every conversation have an intent and purpose that we might not understand at the time. And while I may have doubted that in the past, I can't deny it now, you know what I mean?

All of the discouragement, anger, and sadness in the past brought me to blogging, to creating my project, and to this place as a person. My search for finding myself a life beyond teaching has led to new friends and challenges. So while I may have wanted a job sooner than I got one, I know it was for a reason and a purpose. I'm okay with all that now.

I very much started this project with the intentions of finding some deeper meaning to everything. Instead, I figured out that I already knew a great deal, but I had the capacity to learn more. I could change myself...and I think that has had a lot to do with the good things that have been happening recently.

I have learned that I have to make things happen for myself. That I have to continue to take on my own self-education. This place has helped me do that.


I want to take a moment to thank ALL OF YOU for supporting me in this long journey towards employment. I have to thank all of you (and Dickens, Shakespeare, Austen, and the rest of the gang) for helping me get to where I am. I feel accomplished...honored...and loved because of the support I have from a phenomenal online community. And as I transition into teaching and a fabulous career, I am going to continue here as best as I can because this has become very much a part of me and my own creation.

Thank you again.

Six Month Blog/Challenge/Book Check-up:

I figured that since it was the beginning of July, it would be a good time to check in on all things related to the blog. Not only will this help me see what I have accomplished this year, but it'll give me some goals for the remaining six months of 2012. :)

I went into this year will a lot of optimism. I already know, before looking at anything, that I have not made as much progress with my reading for the 250 project. I really stepped away from it for a couple of months in the spring to concentrate on reading for my classes, so now I am going to be focusing a bit more on those classics I am supposed to.

Below are the goals I made at the end of December...let's see how I'm doing! My comments are in italics.

Reading:

• Continue project list-main goal is to hit book 200 by the beginning of 2013: Well, I am close to hitting 150, which means I would have 50 titles left to read by the end of the year. I'm not sure how realistic this goal is, so I think I may amend it to hitting 185 :)
• 10 "fun" reads throughout the year: Well, this has totally crashed and burned. I went into 2012 hoping to be a bit more committed to the list books, but a number of things have come up-readalongs for other classics not on my list, The Classics Club, reading books for teaching requirements, and other events just too good to pass up. I'm not mad about not hitting this goal, but I am going to minimize the amount of "fun" reads from this point forward (as in, not reading one right after the other to the point that I get distracted).
• 30 minutes of reading/day minimum: This is the one goal I have been rocking this year. I can only think of a handful of days where I didn't read-due to conferences, heavy grading days, etc, so this is good. I would really like to get this time up-especially now that it is summer and I have been reading A LOT more per day in the last two weeks.

Blogging:

• Continue to post a minimum of 3x a week: Yep, rocking this one too. I've been making sure to put all my posts in my planner, which is helping me be a bit more organized in regards to obligations for reading and knowing when posts are going up. It might seem super anal to do that, but it is helping me SO MUCH.
• Sponsor 2 themed months: The second themed month is under way as I type! I think both events (Shakespeare Reading Month in January and A Victorian Celebration) have been really successful. I am thinking of hosting an American Realism Event later this year, and I am planning an Modernism Event for 2013. I really love the community aspects of the events, and while they are a bit draining to plan, I really love hosting them!
• Include more personal posts: I have been working on injecting more of myself into the blog, and I think I have been fairly successful in doing so.

Interaction:

• Comment on blogs! I am still working on commenting on a regular basis! It is something I really struggle with!
• Discover new-to-me book blogs! I have been marking quite a few new blogs from the event that I am planning on spending more time looking at when I can. But I have added quite a few blogs to my reader.
• Participate in the two Dewey's readathons in 2012-April and October: I sorta participated in April's, but I am really looking forward to October's!
• Participate in other "classic-minded" events during 2012: I have been trying to seek out classics-themed events when possible. I definitely think The Classics Club counts! I also think another blogger is planning an Austen and Shakespeare event...those will definitely happen for me!
• Continue my presence on twitter...(@alliedanielson): When I made my twitter account, I really wanted to associate it with my name as well as my blog. I kind of regret that decision, as students seem to stumble on it fairly often. With protected tweets, that makes things easier for me. I keep going back and forth on whether to change my handle...
• Continue maintaining my goodreads page and update with past books read and future books: I love Goodreads. What did I do before I started using the site? :)

Challenges (I went a little challenge happy this year...which I am regretting a bit):

• I can quit any challenge by November 30, 2012 if I am not close to completing it without any guilt: Well, my challenges are going...meh. I will totally complete the Victorian Challenge I signed up for, but I am not sure about any of the others. The other two I really want to complete are the TBR challenge and Chunkster challenges. Come August, I am really going to focus on those two to see if I can knock them out. :)

Personal:

• Go to the gym 3x per week: Ummm....nope. I started out really well, but failed back in March. Part of it is that I hate our gym. It is small and crowded. We've been looking at some other gyms to join, so I am hoping to pick up my exercising.
• Weight Loss goal: 50 lbs in 2012: Well, considering I have gained weight in the last couple of months, I really need to focus on this. When I say I need to make changes in my life regarding finding a balance, it really has to do with weight and my own self-esteem. This is one of the things I am really going to focus on this summer.
• Apply to grad school by May 1 and decide on a program to start in the fall: I applied, but I think I am going to defer until the winter semester. More on that another time.
• By the end of 2012, I should have a clearer goal in mind-either working in a permanent teaching position, or doing something else. I can't keep subbing: Working towards this...
• 1 date night per month :): We've been doing a good job of spending time together on a regular basis, so this one is definitely a success.
• Spend time on my other hobbies: crafting, scrapbooking, etc.: I haven't done too much with my other hobbies (mostly for lack of time with teaching obligations), but now that I am only working one job, I have pulled out some crocheting projects to finish in the evenings.
• Cook 3x per week: I started out really strong with this in the beginning of the year, but when I started working some weeknights and weekends, I started to crash and burn. It's been picking up again the last couple of weeks, but I really want some new recipes to make!
• Develop a daily cleaning routine: Again, I started out really good, but I fizzled out. Time to get back in the groove! I've found that setting a timer and going crazy for a set amount of time (15-20 minutes) REALLY helps!

I think I am doing pretty good, but you can see that I need to put more focus on my personal goals for the year. If that means I am a "slacker" in regards to my reading, so be it. :) 

What are your goals for the rest of 2012? Do you have any awesome recipes I can steal? ;) 

Weekly Wrap-up for June 17, 2012: Saying Goodbye.

This has been an incredibly difficult week. I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions as we finished school, said goodbye to our retirees, and dealt with the grief of losing a beloved teacher.

I don't know if I can put into words how hard it was this week. Monday was hard-the shock of knowing he passed away, telling the kids, and watching grief erupt all over the school-I don't think I have fully processed it. But Tuesday was even harder. That morning as the kids started to come into the hallways, we all noticed that the majority of them had flannel on in honor of the teacher who passed. It was so incredibly touching. I walked into my first hour to see them all in flannel and one student in tears. I immediately choked up and had to talk out for a minute. It was only after our principal came on the PA and held a moment of silence for him that I could go back in the room.

From that point forward, the week was about coping as best as we could. I comforted students as they needed comfort, and they comforted me. In many ways, the tragedy brought students and staff together. We mourned together and the tributes throughout the week kept many of us going. Students turned to his classroom door for inspiration and hope (he posted many inspirational quotes outside his classroom door. I saw many students this week stopping to read or touch his name in memory).

Thursday was also incredibly hard. In addition to funeral services and viewings, we also had our retirement luncheon for those leaving us this year-including the teacher I have been replacing since March. There were a lot of moving tributes to both of them. Both teachers that retired this year have been in the building for many years. Seeing where they used to be, hearing the stories of what they accomplished as teachers in the building...it was incredible to see.

I also loved the student tributes to both of them. Hearing the stories of how these teachers changed their lives...it had a huge impact on me.

I've heard so many stories this week from students about teachers have changed their lives...it was inspirational...and motivational for me. Sometimes I am hard on myself about who I am and where I am in my life. I struggle to come to terms with what my dreams where and what is a reality. This week though? It has shown me that while I cannot control what life brings my way, I can control what I do about it.

I think this little blog, this piece of the internet is a testament to that. I have found a way to "teach" without a formal classroom, and no matter what happens in the future, I am grateful for this opportunity. Instead of rolling over and giving in to destructive thoughts, I decided to educate myself. I have pushed myself to continue learning so that when I am given an opportunity to teach in my own classroom, I feel more confident.

And this week, while hard and painful, has shown me all of that. Saying goodbye to my students on their exam days was about more than ending a school year. It was also about them moving on to the next stage in their lives, dealing with the sadness of the last week, and the hope that maybe I'll see them again in the future.

Yes, this has been an emotional week. And while it was sad to say goodbye on Friday, I know that I have great things ahead of me that I am ready to conquer.

Thank you again for all your well wishes this week and e-mails of support. They have helped me get through this week, as well as giving me the confidence to help my students.

Weekly Wrap-up for June 3, 2012: Two Weeks and Launch of Victorian Celebration.

Pace Lap at the Indy 500 last Sunday

Even though we only had four days of school this past week, it felt like an incredibly long week. There is something about coming back to school after Memorial Day weekend that causes teenagers to go berserk. They get that taste of summer vacation and then go absolutely nuts in school. I kind of wish we finished before Memorial Day, but I think that would require us staying later each day. I know that some schools around the country are done, but we still have until the 15th.

At least we are pretty much done with content-I'm wrapping up a poetry unit with my juniors on Tuesday, and my sophomores are turning in their research projects on Monday (they're presenting through Wednesday). My elective class is still completing their independent novels and will start their projects this week. I'm glad we're moving toward the reviewing aspect before finals next week.

Sparty whispering sweet nothings into Lily's ear

Beyond school, we've been gearing up at the park. Memorial Day marks the beginning of the "summer" season, so we've definitely seen an increase in groups out on the weekends. Yesterday we had a wedding at the park, and thankfully they fit in the ceremony before a bout of bad weather. We have all kinds of events coming up-5K races, mountain bike races, etc, so I know I will be busy there as soon as school ends!

Friday launched the beginning of "A Victorian Celebration," my two-month event focused on the Victorians. The response has been amazing, and I am so happy that so many bloggers are participating. There are already a number of posts on the main post, and I can't wait until I finish my first title (Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens).

Sparty cuddling on Matt's lap

I also posted the first giveaway for the event-for a Penguin copy of North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. If you're a participant in the event and don't own a copy of the book, head over to the post and enter!

There will be plenty of other giveaways and prizes over the next two months, so make sure to check back often to see what the current giveaway is (I think next week is a Hardy title!).

Besides these two huge things-school and the event-life has been relatively uneventful. With the end of a school year comes a lot of grading, but I am caught up and seem to be managing my paper piles rather well. But I still can't wait to have more reading time and the opportunity to make some real progress on my project lists. For a while, I wasn't that invested in what I was doing, so I'm glad to be back in a reading mood...and craving the classics.

Reading at the Park office on lunch

I also have some new books headed my way, so as soon as they get here, I owe you all a book loot post. I did so well with my book buying ban at the beginning of the year, and now I am failing miserably. I cannot resist pretty covers or new books. :) I am sure that Matt will flip out a bit when he sees new titles on the shelves. There are worse things, right?

I hope you all have a great reading week! Let me know what has your attention!

Why Maintaining Your Identity is Important.

I don't live under a rock; therefore, I am aware of all the chaos that happened last week in the blogging community. And while I certainly do have strong opinions on what happened and the reaction, this post isn't directly about that. Instead, I wanted to jump in on two conversations that took place on other blogs. The first post I want to direct you to is a post written by Adam on Friday. It is a fabulous piece about the importance of maintaining a sense of professionalism while online. He also talks about bloggers' responsibility to our audience. My attempts to summarize it will fail, so it is best if you just go and read his post yourself.

The second post I want to mention is by a new-to-me blog-Book Reviews and English News. Apparently there was other drama surrounding another post by this blogger on Saturday, but I wasn't aware of it until I read this post. This second post, while a little more aggressively written, also brings up some interesting points about the cliquey nature of book blogging. And while I don't agree with all of the points made in that post, I do think that a few of them are spot on and are important to discuss.

Which brings me here, to this post and my current train of thought about why I'm here in the first place and being associated with the book blogging community. As I am sure most of my regular readers know, I never started blogging with the intentions of being a book blogger. Back in the summer of 2009, I didn't even know that there was a book blogging community. I only starting writing here as a way to track my progress through my project, and it wasn't until nearly 3 or 4 months into my project that someone other than a family member commented on a post. I knew nothing about ARCs, giveaways, or even Goodreads until I started to branch out to those who stumbled onto my blog and to those blogs I managed to find by searching.

I have always considered myself an outsider to the greater book blogging community because my intents and purposes have always been different than the majority of other book blogs. I don't really write reviews. I don't accept many books for review (I consider getting requests to be the biggest honor, and I only accept books that I am truly intrigued by. I will always do that). I don't believe I will ever be a "big" blogger with thousands of followers, or a blogger that the masses will turn to for sage advice about the ins and outs of blogging. I am still learning as I go, and I consider getting an image to post correctly a triumph.

I write about my feelings on books-the process I go through as I read something challenging. I try and make personal connections with everything I read. I talk about my struggles with certain authors, the reasons why I love or hate certain titles. I discuss the worlds I am discovering as I read through my project list. And most of all, I discuss me. My life, my reactions, my growth as I take on books that millions of people have read before me.

I see blogging, and my space here, as an extension of myself. And I would be lying if I said that this space didn't mean a lot to me. It does. And the few times I have been criticized have really stung. Again, I see this place, A Literary Odyssey, as personal place. I have always been, and will always be, completely honest here.

But I cannot pretend that others don't see me. I host group reads and readalongs, which has now transitioned into reading events and programs. My Shakespeare Reading Month in January gave me the opportunity to really connect with so many bloggers, and share my passion for the classics. I am hopeful that my Victorian Event will do the same.

So while I had always intended this as a place for me, it has also turned into a very public place. I think we all acknowledge that by putting our thoughts on the internet, we will eventually be found and discovered, whether we like it or not. And I can acknowledge that being "found" has helped me keep this going for close to three years. I am no longer an anonymous twenty-something sitting behind a computer and discussing the books I am reading. I am very much a part of a bigger place, whether I want to be or not.

And with that comes a great deal of responsibility. I am public-I am out there and open to being critiqued and criticized. That was never my intention, but I cannot fight against it. I must accept it, and I have.

However, throughout everything, and all that drama last week, I have again realized how important it is for me to maintain my identity. I do things on my own and in my own way. I don't think I need to adhere to any "rules" that are accepted by the greater community. I will continue to post in my own way, and as many times as I want to per book, as well as read what I want, when I want. I refuse to fall into the chaos that makes up a chunk of the blogging world. I refuse to be used as a pawn of publishing houses, or clamor for books that I can purchase on my own in a few months. I have nothing against anyone who receives mass amounts of ARCs or who works closely with publishers-it just isn't for me and my purpose here.

But I will acknowledge that I do have some amount of responsibility-being out here in the public, doing what I do. I have accepted the responsibilities of being an advocate for literacy, promoting books that I think are worthy of mention, and highlighting the books and writers I am most passionate about. More than anything, I acknowledge that I do have an impact on some individuals as they begin reading classics. I have never said I am an expert, but I will always offer guidance and my own thoughts when asked for. I also know that I have some duty to always representing myself and my opinions in a somewhat professional manner. I will never get too personal, too emotional, or too snarky. Because whether I like it or not, there are others who read my blog. They see things in their own light and will form their own opinions.

That is what I have reaffirmed for myself this past week. That I am an individual and I need to maintain that identity for myself. It is easy to fall into the crowd. It would be easy for me to change who I am to gain more readers or reach a larger audience, but how could I do that and still look at myself every day? I can't. So I will maintain my integrity and sense of self with my head held high.

I hope that those of you who are struggling to figure out a sense of purpose, given the circumstances of the last week, will mull that same sentiment over in your heads and act on it.

Where I Come Shuffling Back to Blogging.

I feel refreshed after a week away from blogging obligations and thirteen hours of sleep last night. I needed the time away, and while I'm not 100% ready to throw myself back into the fray of blogging, tomorrow is April 1-the beginning of my month-long sprint to read Samuel Richardson's Clarissa. I had planned on staying away for another week, to finish collecting my thoughts and ideas for how to transform my little space on the internet, but because of the Clarissa event, I wanted to at least say that hey, I'm here and you're going to see posts from me again.

Like I said, there were a few reasons for my absence. Mainly, I felt (and still feel) like the book-blogging world has taken some nasty turns. I try very hard not to feed into anything that I see online-the controversies, the arguments, etc. But I do. I think there is a part of all of us that calls us to pay attention to drama. We love it.

But I have to find a way to separate what I see online to what I do here. When I began this place, I had no idea the book blogging community existed. I stumbled into it and was excited to find other people blogging about their reading. I didn't even stumble across any other classics-heavy blogs until 6 months in my project. I had no idea that my project would be appealing to anyone other than myself (and a couple members of my family who have read it from the beginning).

I have closely aligned myself with the book blogging world since I first started reading some other book blogs in those early days. But I never intended to have that label. I don't think I really write "reviews" as many book blogs do. Instead, I try to chronicle my experiences as I read. This whole things started because I wanted to become a better teacher. Some part of myself believed that if I started to really educate myself with great literature, that would somehow transfer over into the classroom. That it would allow me to be a better teacher-to help kids in more ways because I had been exposed to more facets of humanity.

Maybe I was only wishing. And maybe, I really only started this place because I was so tired of feeling unneeded and unwanted. In the 2 1/2 years since I wrote my first post, I have grown a lot. I don't think I knew where starting this place would bring me. I don't think I expected the pressure of keeping this place up, or of having the draw to host events, participate in challenges, and having a voice online in the way people see old, dusty books.

But I do feel this blog has become more than what I thought it would, and in the last six months or so, I have struggled to see how it still fits into what I intended it to be. Yes, I still focus on talking about my reading experience. Yes, I still am yearning for a permanent placement in a school, so I can finally transfer all of this knowledge to my own students (that is not to say anything against the last three placements I've had. All of those kids were "my" kids, but it wasn't my classroom if you know what I mean). I am still looking for ways to express myself and show the world what I am made of. This place was easy to start-no one knew who I was or what I wanted-and I was determined to make my own little mark on the world...much like the writers I have come to love.

I know I'm not there yet. I still have a long way to go until I am happy with myself and this place.

I'm not sure what changes I'll make in the future, but I can't go on with this feeling of pressure from outside sources. I didn't start this with the intentions of feeling obligated to others, and I don't intend to let that feeling continue. As I mull over what I want to do, however, I am going to continue posting and talking about my reading. That is why I started and why I will still continue.

As for the posts on my teaching, I am hesitant to share what I am doing. After I posted about my "Arena" Game for the teaching of The Hunger Games to my lower-level elective class, I had some nasty e-mails. And when I take that into account along with some snide comments about my discussions of what my other classes are up to...I don't know if I am willing to share that anymore. My kids are off limits. They are all wonderful, and their enthusiasm as we read, and as they adjusted to having me as their teacher, is all the positive reinforcement I need in my life in regards to my teaching. I don't post about it to feel validated, but because I want to share my passion. That was ruined for me last week.

Well, this is far longer than I wanted it to be...because I really meant to say is that I am back. It feels good to be typing this into draft form and knowing it will soon be live online. I missed you guys, and I cannot wait to share more of my thoughts on reading with you.

Please let me know if there is a post I missed this week. My reader looks scary, so I'll probably mark it as "all read." I just don't want to miss anything!

Weekly Wrap-up for March 18, 2012.

I am surrounded by piles of essays on Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men (96 to be exact), so I know I will need to cut my blogging time down this morning. While it isn't possible to finish all those essays today, I do need to get through a full class set by Tuesday morning. But after just a few, my mind wanders in a million directions and I see images of Lennie and George everywhere.

School is finally starting to settle into a routine. My body is still adjusting to the sleeping schedule, as well as being a little more intense in my actions each day. After being off work for 3 1/2 months, it is a little tough to be mentally "with" it. I know it is just a phase and once I am used to everything, it'll be fine. I'm sure that transition will be this week. It also didn't help that in my first two weeks we had conferences twice, as well as all the state testing. Another teacher said that the weather is throwing everyone off. We've had a week of 60 and 70 degree weather, making it feel like May. It has made the teachers and students anxious...even though we have months of school left. :)

In my classes, I did a project all week with my junior English class on Night. It was a preparatory step for their essay they are starting tomorrow, so I hope it helped them think about theme. My sophomores spent the first three days of the week revising their essays. THAT was a fun experience. I met with each of them for a few minutes to talk about some of their issues, so I HOPE that this pile of essays are improved from what I saw.

And my elective class started the unit on The Hunger Games. We read Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" as a way to get into the idea of utopia vs. dystopia. They really liked the creepiness of the story, so that was good. We also spent a day discussing the background of the novel-setting, main characters, etc. as a way to get them used to some of the ides. We started it on Monday and they have to have part 1 finished by tomorrow's class, as they have a quiz. They're enjoying it so far. I have a few who are hesitant about it, but I think my own excitement about teaching it is inspiring them at least a little. We also started the game I created on Friday, so I will make sure to share a bit more about it later this week.

So, with all that school stuff going on, I haven't had much time for reading OR blogging. I think I logged into blogspot twice all week because I simply didn't have time. Now that things are calming down, I'm going to reinforce the idea of having balance to get back into blogging and reading on my own on a regular basis. That being said, if you have an awesome post from this past week, please link it for me below so I make sure to go visit. My reader is a little insane with the number of posts to read!

I did manage to finish A Clockwork Orange on Friday night (my thoughts will be up tomorrow), and I started Verne's A Journey to the Center of the Earth yesterday morning. I'm really liking it, but I figured I would since I loved 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea so darn much. I've set aside Nicholas Nickleby for a couple months. I don't have the focus to get back into it, so I think picking it back up in May or June is a better idea.

Lastly, I announced two big events taking place. One, the Clarissa readalong, it coming up rather soon. If you missed the post, you can read it here. Basically, Jillian, Adam, and myself are going to try reading the entire novel in the month of April (thus why I am putting off the Dickens title). We have a few other people who might be joining in as well.

The other big event is "A Victorian Celebration," taking place in June and July. I know it was early to announce, but I was a bit excited about it, so I wanted to spring it on everyone early. :) I have great plans for stuff during the event, as well as some prizes, etc. There is no minimum number of books to read for it, so if you are thinking of tackling a Bronte, or Trollope, or Collins, that is the time to do it!

I am also joining in on an event hosted by O at Delaisse. We e-mailed a bit over the last week or so, and she announced this week a readathon of Joyce's Ulysses this Bloomsday (June 16). She is far more eloquent than I could hope to be in her explanation of the event, so traipse over to her blog if you are curious about the event. Basically we will be attempting to read all of Ulysses that day in celebration of Joyce.

This week my plans are merely to finish the Verne title, as well as starting one of the other novels I had selected for Adam's Magical March Event. I'm leaning towards the Wells, simply because I haven't read something by him in a long time, but I might change my mind. ;)

Happy reading everyone!

Weekly Wrap-up for February 26, 2012: Playing Catch-up and Teaching Texts.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that this month is almost gone. While I haven't been busy doing too many things, I still feel like I am far behind on getting anything accomplished. I guess I will reevaluate that when I get to March 1, right?

I ended up going to see a movie with my mom on Thursday night, which we haven't done in a long time! We went and saw One for the Money, based on the Stephanie Plum series. I read the first ten a real long time ago, and my mom, I think, it caught up on the series, so it was fun to see the movie. It was definitely a good choice-funny with cute guys-and we had a good time.

On Friday, our district had a snow day. We were supposed to get 8+ inches of snow. We got maybe 1. But, Matt had the day off, so we took advantage of it and went to see an early movie. We figured that by going early, we would miss a lot of the crowd (the movie was at 4:30), but we walked into a theater that happened to have a large group of my old students. They all said hi, stared at Matt a bit, and made it that much more fun. :) We saw Wanderlust, which was a little more...extreme than I had planned on (don't get me wrong, it was funny, but a little over the top in regards to the humor). After, we hit up a local seafood place for dinner. It was a good date night and we both needed it, since we never go out anymore.

I've also been doing a lot of reading this week. I knew I had my third Roots post to read for, but I swore not to touch the book until I finished David Copperfield. I managed to finish it Tuesday so I could read Roots all day Wednesday. I finished both books, which was exciting since it doubled my monthly book number. :)

So while I managed to read a lot this week, I didn't read as much as I wanted to. I would have liked to be done with a few more titles (maybe a challenge book or two), but I can't help it that the chunky books are calling to me. My next read is Nicholas Nickleby, so I suppose I just do these things to myself, right? I doubt I will finish Nicholas Nickleby by the end of the month like I want to, but hopefully I can hit the halfway point.

The only other exciting thing to happen this month was my meeting to learn more about my long-term placement on Thursday morning. I'm starting on the 5th, just over a week away, and I will be there until the end of the school year. I'm really excited to get back into it, especially because of all the wonderful books pictured below:

The only two books that are new to me are The Color of Water and Alas, Babylon. I don't know much about either, so if you've read them, please give me some pointers. I do think Alas, Babylon will fit into Adam's Challenge for March, so I'm glad it will serve double duty.

I've read everything else at least once. I probably won't read The Crucible again until we're reading it in class since I am fairly familiar with it (so excited to teach it again), but I want to read through everything else before we get to it in class. Two of the classes are in the middle of two books, Night and Kindred, so I have to finish up the units on each. I'm planning on reading both this week (I read Kindred when I was a high schooler and Night a few years ago).

And can I tell you how stoked I am to teach Ender's Game and The Hunger Games? Card's novel got me hooked on science-fiction, so I have a soft spot for it. And The Hunger Games is just going to be fun. :) They just bought the books and no one has used them yet, so I can't wait to develop a unit for the book. I'm going to be reading that one with the class for the non-readers, so it should be a fun time.

So, my last week before teaching is going to be full of reading, don't you think? In addition to making some good progress with the Dickens title, I need to get through those other two titles. We'll see how that goes. :)

Well, I am spending the rest of my morning and afternoon reading, writing, and doing a little lesson-planning.

Hope you all have a happy reading week!

Weekly Wrap-up for February 19, 2012: Productivity, Good News, and Reading Plans.

This has been a cuh-razy week. I mean CRAZY. It finally hit me that the month was slipping away and I had made no progress on any of the plans I had to get things in order around here, so I told myself that by today, I had to get something done.

I tackled a couple of big projects this week. The first thing I did was organize my recipe binder (also jump started by the fact that Matt knocked my card box off the counter and broke it. After watching the cats bat my recipe cards everywhere-including under the fridge (that was fun to retrieve)-I decided to tackle this project this month instead of next). While doing my laundry at my mom's on Friday, I also tore through her recipes and wrote down the ones I wanted. I am still waiting for my specialty page protectors to come in the mail. As soon as they do and everything is perfect, I'll show you what I did. I foresee lots of cooking in the future. :)

My new goal of trying one new recipe a week is still completely successful. :) We've liked everything I've made so far, but the trick is going to be keeping this up as we get busier!

I also went on a cleaning/organizing RAMPAGE yesterday. We've been dealing with some clutter and mess in our second bedroom, so I finally decided to tackle it. Most of it was just tossing old magazines, filing bills and paperwork, and putting things away. I also cleaned out my desk and put some of the things away that have been out for no reason (like our Christmas wrapping paper. It was still out). From there, I got into a zone and tackled our bedroom. I did laundry on Friday, so I started organizing and putting clothes away. But then I was digging in my drawers and closet and wound up with a bag full of clothes to donate. THEN, I noticed my jewelry was a certified mess, so I spent 2 hours sorting out my jewelry, re-arranging, and setting aside a PILE of old jewelry for my nieces. I figured they would appreciate some new sparkles. :)

By the time I finished everything, I had a small pile of stuff to donate (I'm taking it all this afternoon), two bags of garbage, and it was 10:00 PM. I told you I was productive. But the apartment looks awesome and I feel really good about getting that all taken care of so I don't have it lingering over my head.


It also comes at the perfect time because I got some good news on Friday afternoon. If you were on twitter, you probably saw, but I got a long-term subbing position for the rest of the school year! :) I interviewed for the job on Tuesday morning, and they called to tell me Wednesday that they wanted a second interview next week. I was incredibly surprised to see the school calling me Friday afternoon, and the principal offered me the job! My mom and I did a happy dance.

I'm really excited to be going back into a classroom. The last 3 or 4 months have been hard with nothing to do. I'm even MORE excited that I'm going to be back in the school I worked in LAST year. It was a great environment, so I can't wait to be returning.

I'll be teaching sophomore English again (I get to teach The Crucible again! Yay!), a section of eleventh grade English (research papers), and a class called Exploring Literature. I'm really excited for the last class, since it is geared for students who don't like reading. I think it'll be a great avenue to push some books on kids and test my own abilities to engage non-readers. :) I'll know more about what I'm doing after our meeting Thursday morning.

But I am stoked. :)

I'm celebrating by reading all day today (and since I failed to read anything yesterday). I'm going to join in on the readathon going on with Literary Stars. Having other people reading today is good motivation, and since Matt has to work on homework, I know he'll leave me alone. ;)

Goals for today:
-Finish David Copperfield
-Read the third section of Roots for my post due Wednesday!

I hope you all had a marvelous week-Happy Reading!