On a Somber Note.

Today has been one of the hardest days that I can remember. And I wasn't sure if I was going to write a post, but I feel like I need to get it out, so a post it is. Sometimes writing is all I have in order to deal with emotion...and I just want to forewarn those involved in my Victorian Event that you might not hear from me this week...

This morning, all of the teachers were asked to leave our third hours and meet in the media center. Our students were left in the room while we had an emergency meeting. Once we were all there, our principal informed us that a fellow teacher passed away. It caught us all off guard...it was just a huge shock. The teacher was a long-time member of the faculty, a coach...a well-loved and respected man. He taught across the hall from me. When I taught at this same school last year, he would often come down to talk and give me lesson ideas (since I was teaching history last year). He was always warm and welcoming to me...a newcomer to the building...

Once we were all told, we were sent back to our classrooms and the principal announced the loss over the PA. I have never heard such grief...there is something so heart-breaking about watching teenagers grieve. It got to me on so many levels...and watching them walk through the halls in silence? There is nothing as tense as a high school full of silence and sorrow.

I know that the rest of the week will be difficult. Today was hard enough. My afternoon classes just looked at me in silence when I came in the room-waiting for answers I don't have. I have a headache from crying and trying to hold it in. My mom was wonderful enough to listen to me this afternoon when I needed to talk it out. And I know that the kids will talk tomorrow. Today was shock. Tomorrow the real heartache will hit. And in addition to grieving, the kids have finals starting on Wednesday.

This will definitely be the hardest week....

What I keep remembering, as I am sitting here on the couch with my loving husband and animals, are the images I saw today. Big football players breaking into sobs, teachers with tears in their eyes waiting by their classroom doors, student signing the memorial banner for the teacher...

And the countless students stopping across the hall at his door, touching his name in remembrance, or reading the dozens of inspirational quotes he had by his door. Watching them just pressing their hands against those papers...it's something I will never, ever forget.

"I do not doubt that whatever can possibly happen, any where, at any
time, is provided for, in the inherences of things;
I do not think Life provides for all, and for Time and Space--but I
believe Heavenly Death provides for all." (Walt Whitman "Assurances")