Where I Come Shuffling Back to Blogging.

I feel refreshed after a week away from blogging obligations and thirteen hours of sleep last night. I needed the time away, and while I'm not 100% ready to throw myself back into the fray of blogging, tomorrow is April 1-the beginning of my month-long sprint to read Samuel Richardson's Clarissa. I had planned on staying away for another week, to finish collecting my thoughts and ideas for how to transform my little space on the internet, but because of the Clarissa event, I wanted to at least say that hey, I'm here and you're going to see posts from me again.

Like I said, there were a few reasons for my absence. Mainly, I felt (and still feel) like the book-blogging world has taken some nasty turns. I try very hard not to feed into anything that I see online-the controversies, the arguments, etc. But I do. I think there is a part of all of us that calls us to pay attention to drama. We love it.

But I have to find a way to separate what I see online to what I do here. When I began this place, I had no idea the book blogging community existed. I stumbled into it and was excited to find other people blogging about their reading. I didn't even stumble across any other classics-heavy blogs until 6 months in my project. I had no idea that my project would be appealing to anyone other than myself (and a couple members of my family who have read it from the beginning).

I have closely aligned myself with the book blogging world since I first started reading some other book blogs in those early days. But I never intended to have that label. I don't think I really write "reviews" as many book blogs do. Instead, I try to chronicle my experiences as I read. This whole things started because I wanted to become a better teacher. Some part of myself believed that if I started to really educate myself with great literature, that would somehow transfer over into the classroom. That it would allow me to be a better teacher-to help kids in more ways because I had been exposed to more facets of humanity.

Maybe I was only wishing. And maybe, I really only started this place because I was so tired of feeling unneeded and unwanted. In the 2 1/2 years since I wrote my first post, I have grown a lot. I don't think I knew where starting this place would bring me. I don't think I expected the pressure of keeping this place up, or of having the draw to host events, participate in challenges, and having a voice online in the way people see old, dusty books.

But I do feel this blog has become more than what I thought it would, and in the last six months or so, I have struggled to see how it still fits into what I intended it to be. Yes, I still focus on talking about my reading experience. Yes, I still am yearning for a permanent placement in a school, so I can finally transfer all of this knowledge to my own students (that is not to say anything against the last three placements I've had. All of those kids were "my" kids, but it wasn't my classroom if you know what I mean). I am still looking for ways to express myself and show the world what I am made of. This place was easy to start-no one knew who I was or what I wanted-and I was determined to make my own little mark on the world...much like the writers I have come to love.

I know I'm not there yet. I still have a long way to go until I am happy with myself and this place.

I'm not sure what changes I'll make in the future, but I can't go on with this feeling of pressure from outside sources. I didn't start this with the intentions of feeling obligated to others, and I don't intend to let that feeling continue. As I mull over what I want to do, however, I am going to continue posting and talking about my reading. That is why I started and why I will still continue.

As for the posts on my teaching, I am hesitant to share what I am doing. After I posted about my "Arena" Game for the teaching of The Hunger Games to my lower-level elective class, I had some nasty e-mails. And when I take that into account along with some snide comments about my discussions of what my other classes are up to...I don't know if I am willing to share that anymore. My kids are off limits. They are all wonderful, and their enthusiasm as we read, and as they adjusted to having me as their teacher, is all the positive reinforcement I need in my life in regards to my teaching. I don't post about it to feel validated, but because I want to share my passion. That was ruined for me last week.

Well, this is far longer than I wanted it to be...because I really meant to say is that I am back. It feels good to be typing this into draft form and knowing it will soon be live online. I missed you guys, and I cannot wait to share more of my thoughts on reading with you.

Please let me know if there is a post I missed this week. My reader looks scary, so I'll probably mark it as "all read." I just don't want to miss anything!

Introspective.

I'm not quite ready to jump back into blogging. I'm rather enjoying the freedom of being away from the internet and the heavy focus on writing and discussing literature. Don't get me wrong, I miss it, but I also love this time away. I've gotten over my anger. It has turned into a general sense of disappointment in people. I will never understand the need to put someone down instead of lifting them up. That is a lesson I stress to my students, so I am always saddened to see adults who don't know better.

I just wanted to write and say thank you, for being caring enough to understand why I needed to step back for a little bit. I have been writing about my own literary journey for going on 3 years now and sometimes I don't remember who I was before books became an even larger focus in my life. And a small part of me likes the freedom of being away-of not feeling obligated to post something. But, I won't stay away forever. I'll be back in another week or so, with lots to say, I'm sure. :)

We all just need a break every once in awhile, some time to mull things over, and to make decisions. I've been doing all of that, and I think that when I do start posting again, I will feel happy and re-energized about my project and my goals for the future.

Until then, take care.

And happy reading.

Taking a Break.

I was really trying to avoid writing this post, or thinking about this as a possibility.

But I really need a break.

I have been feeling very overwhelmed with obligations. And I have been feeling really angry about some of the behavior I have seen online in the blogging community recently. Perhaps I am entirely too sensitive about some of the things I've seen.

But it is hard to come home after working with struggling kids all day to see grown adults bickering and picking stupid fights online. On blogs. My students don't act that way. And they might have a reason to. Some of the kids I am teaching this semester need a lot of help. They've been told that they're stupid, that they're not going anywhere, and that even by trying as hard as they can, they'll never be a good student. I struggle with them every day to build up their esteem and give them encouragement to keep reading, keep trying. And for some of them, this is the first time they've had an adult cheer them on. For some of them, this is the first time they are understanding a book in an English class.

The last thing I want to see when I come home from school are adults, bloggers, nit-picking posts, judging the merits of projects and challenges, spewing filth and anger on their blogs that is directed at another group, or leaving a nasty comment on a blogger's post who is only trying to do good things for the community. I am also sick of getting judgmental e-mails in my inbox about what I choose to share here. Because really, no one has a right to judge what I do. This space is for me, and for me alone. My goal has always been to talk about why I love literature, not to cater to the needs of self-righteous individuals who need to feel validated by putting others down.

And honestly, I don't care if this post makes you want to stop reading any future posts by me. Good. Stop following my feed. I never started this place for you, and I will never bow down to make sure I fit in the box I am "supposed" to fit in.

The last thing I want to do is feel like I am giving the negativity excess attention, but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

I'm stepping away for a week or two. I'll see you when I come back.

If you need to, get in touch with me on twitter or email me (on my profile page).

Book 140: A Journey to the Center of the Earth and Book Stats.

Title: A Journey to the Center of the Earth
Author: Jules Verne (1828-1905)

First Published: 1864

My Edition: Signet Classic (seen at left. This is a super boring cover)

Pages: 300

Other Works Include: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Around the World in 80 Days, The Mysterious Island, From the Earth to the Moon, Paris in the Twentieth Century, In Search of the Castaways, The Green Ray

I really enjoyed Verne with my read of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea this past summer, so I am looking forward to this next encounter. I always had this image of Verne being a stuffy old guy, but after reading one of his novels, I know that isn't true.

I have to really admire Verne and what he accomplished in his lifetime. I mean, this book was published in 1864...did they think he was crazy based on all this science-fiction? I might have, if I lived back then. I was blown away by how modern Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea was, so I hope that the same feeling comes through in his older title.

This is the last Verne title on my original 250 list, but I tacked a few more onto my Classics Club list for the future. :) I know I am going to want more by him!

If you want to see my post on Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, you can find my post by clicking here.

How do you all feel about Verne? Has anyone seen the film adaptations of his novels (I seem to remember hearing they were horrid, which breaks my heart!)

Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Books on my Spring TBR List.

It's Tuesday! And that means it is Top Ten Tuesday, a lovely meme hosted by the folks over at The Broke and the Bookish where bloggers count down their top ten in the week's given category.

I have been excited about this topic since January, since I have some wonderful books planned for this Spring. You might laugh at that, but my reading for the first three months of the year has been planned out! I can't wait to dive into some of these titles!

Without further adieu, here are the ten titles I am most looking forward to this Spring. They are in no particular order, except for the first one. :)

1. Clarissa by Samuel Richardson: I am starting this one in April with a few other bloggers. I think we have been planning our little readalong since October or November. We're going to try and tackle this one in a month, and since it is one of the longest novels in the English language (almost 1 million words), this will be a huge challenge. I think it is perfectly doable since I read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand at 650,000 words in one week last year. What's 400,000 more? ;) You are more than welcome to join in! (Here is the sign-up post)
2. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller: This is a book I have been avoiding for quite some time, but I am excited to finally read it. I pulled it off the shelf and put it on my nightstand a few nights ago, so hopefully I get to this one sooner rather than later.
3. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster: The 3rd book I read for my project was by Forster, and I absolutely adored it (A Room with a View). I actually had a hard time finding a copy of this one, but finally grabbed one last fall. Like Heller's book, this one has been added to the nightstand.
4. Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy: I have read two books by Hardy for my project so far, and I have loved both of them (The Mayor of Casterbridge and Jude the Obscure). Amanda has claimed this one to be her favorite by Hardy, so I can't wait to see what I think of it. I think Hardy has potential to be a new favorite author!
5. Beloved by Toni Morrison: I'm going to be reading this one to fulfill a challenge, but I'm excited for it. I have had a mixed experience with Morrison-I loved The Bluest Eye, but didn't really care for Sula. I can't wait to read more of her work, and this one is definitely going to be coming up soon.
6. Native Son by Richard Wright: I have picked this one up numerous times in the last 2 and a half years, but it always goes back on the shelf unread. My interest is peaked, so I am going to give it a try in the near future. I've heard only good things.
7. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair: Now, this is a book I have REALLY been avoiding...mainly because I like food, and I am worried I won't eat while reading this. But I also think this is a really important title for me to read, especially because it started a food revolution here in the U.S. Has anyone read this?
8. Common Sense by Thomas Paine: I read this one back in college for a history course, but that was so long ago that it has grown a little fuzzy. But I am excited to pick this one up again and relive all the grievances the early colonists had against the King. :) It's also short, so maybe I will pick it up during the month of Clarissa??
9. Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe: I am curious about this one, especially since I was impressed by Robinson Crusoe, a book I expected to hate. I don't know much more about it-which will hopefully be a good thing!
10. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner: Since I am huge fan of Faulkner, it always surprises people to hear that I haven't read this one. It has also been some time since I've read one of his books and I have 3 left on the list! Better get cracking!

What are you looking forward to reading this spring? Do we have any in common?