So, I didn't intend for my month break to last as long, but basically, life happened and I had to step away to deal with a pile of problems that continued to compound. I'm finally starting to resurface and have room to breathe (and I've finally come to term with some of these things) and I miss blogging. I've actually decided that I'm going to shut this blog down. I feel confined and restrained here, bound by what I've done here in the past. I'll be starting over on Wordpress and I will share that information when it happens.
We left off with me taking a break at the beginning of March to take 2 classes 4 days/week to renew my teaching certificate. It was the perfect opportunity to get all my needed hours for renewal, and I really thought it was good timing. It was only a month, my co-teacher was there to help with the AP class stress, and it would all be over in a month. Then, essentially, the shit hit the fan.
My co-teacher was placed on bed-rest almost immediately after I last posted. While we had a long-term sub already picked out, she ended up taking over much earlier than we had planned. We were still plowing through content and it got very overwhelming, very fast. With 8 snow days this year, we lost a lot of valuable class time and I was rearranging things non-stop to guarantee we got through everything in time for the kids' test on May 14. And while my co-teacher's long term sub has been wonderful to work with, a lot of extra work fell on me, which created a lot of unneeded stress, drama, and bouts of crying. There were many days that I was completely miserable-I would go to school early, work all day, stay after until 5 or 6 helping kids and prepping, come home to grade and prep more, go to my class, come home and sob in bed exhausted. It was miserable.
But to make it even better, my husband lost his job in the same time period. It came out of nowhere and has obviously flipped our financial security on its head. We were comfortable with both our salaries, but now it is TIGHT. There have been more than a few scares and freak-outs about finances.
And, in the midst of all that, I had a small falling out with my co-teacher over some drama that was created not by me. It's smoothed over now, but I'm still feeling incredibly insecure about my place at school and with her. I've withdrawn a lot from people I used to talk to, more so to protect my own feelings than anything else.
In many ways, I've felt in limbo that last few months. I have very much been living in a fog of my own making. I had a few weeks where my only concern and passion was for teaching and my kids...because quite frankly, they were all I could count on.
It's bee a rough few months and there are still many changes coming my way. Matt and I decided that now is the time for him to return to school and finish his degree. I'm in the process of applying to go back for my Master's Degree, launching my own small business (more on that in the future), and finishing my novel (that has become a release the last few weeks). I also learned (yesterday) that due to our district expanding class sizes (up to 38 kids) and shifting, I'm bumped out of our history department next year and I'm only teaching English. I used to think that's what I wanted, but it's not. I'm quite frankly, heartbroken over APUSH being taken away from me. In many ways, I'm hurt....even though I know my administration had little control over the situation. It's hard to pour your heart into something and have it snatched away from you.
However, I am gaining more sophomore English-American Lit, as well as a senior composition class. THAT I am excited for! It will be a new challenge, and if you know anything about me, it's this: I love a challenge.
More than anything else, I've learned over the last few months that I do well under pressure. I've also learned to speak my mind when I need to. And that sometimes you just can't trust other people. I've also learned that what really matters to me most are my husband, family, good friends, and students. People who fall outside that realm can let you down. Maybe that's cynical, but with everything I've gone through, that's how I feel.
But in the course of all the chaos, some good things have happened. My SIL is pregnant again and due in October-I'm excited for my 8th niece or nephew to make their debut. :) Matt and I have also been spending more time together, which has been great for our relationship. He's been incredibly supportive of everything I've gone through at work and has picked up a lot of my slack here at home. Also, thanks to my parents' generosity, we got to spend a week out in Los Angeles visiting my sister, Torrie, who is out there working for Disney. I've grown closer to my friend Colleen and I finally feel like I have a close girl friend that lives by. It's been awhile since I've had that kind of friendship. I'm also close to achieving some personal goals and working towards living a healthier lifestyle. During all the chaos, I actually felt pretty good except for a couple of bad days, so my Lupus finally feels under control.
So, that's my life at the moment. I hope you have all been well. I miss the days when blogging was my main focus, but so much has changed in the almost 5 years since I started here. I'm ready for a fresh start.
I miss your blogging and reviewing. I'd visited your blog just a couple of weeks ago and wondered if all was okay. Please let us know your new blog place address. Thanks!ReplyDelete
Do post up your new blog address before deleting this one. I was wondering when you'd be back. Kept your name on my list of blogs on my blog. Glad things are sorting. Things always seem to come at once it seems. If it's not one thing it's something else. That's life. Good on you for dealing with it and coming out on top. Like you say, family and friends and kids. Toxic people have no room in our lives.ReplyDelete
What a whirlwind these past months have been! I hope things continue to calm down and get sorted out. And sometimes the best thing to do is start with a clean slate if the way things are isn't working for you anymore. I'm glad to hear you still want to blog in some form though :)ReplyDelete
Let us know where you move, when you do. xReplyDelete
Firstly - good to hear from you! And gosh, what a few months!ReplyDelete
Let me know where you move to :)
That all sounds incredibly stressful! I hate when life seems to be nonstop, unexpected drama that makes it hard to focus on the stuff that makes you truly happy. I hope that things start to look up even more in the next few weeks and I can't wait to hear about your new blog!ReplyDelete
Good to hear from you! Sounds like you've had some incredibly stressful weeks, but it also sounds like you and Matt and working together to make it all work. Congrats on becoming an aunt again! Hopefully, teaching more English classes will help make up for the loss of APUSH.ReplyDelete
My goodness - so sorry to hear about all of these challenges and hardships! Life seems to do this, pile things on all at once. I hope you'll find a nice stretch of calm soon, and for a lasting while.ReplyDelete
As far as this, ". I've actually decided that I'm going to shut this blog down. I feel confined and restrained here, bound by what I've done here in the past." I completely understand. I've been ping-ponging the same thoughts back and forth in my head, and I'm pretty much settled on a similar decision as yours. I'm seeing things through the summer, though, since this is where I have the most time and because I have a few things (Moby Dick, Austen in August) that I still want to accomplish.
I've already moved my main writing/journaling and whatnot to another private blog, though. And I'm pretty sure we're connected on my alternate Twitter account, too, which is also private. I hope you'll let me know what you decide and where to find you, if you still allow folks to keep up with your new scene! :)
Big hug! Your journey certainly hasn't been easy. You've shown great courage working through it all. Keep doing what you do because it set a good example how tenacity wins out in the end. Thank you for your blog.ReplyDelete
I hope you'll let us know where you move to, I always enjoyed visiting this blog. I too had visited a few days ago and was hoping everything was ok after I hadn't seen an update since March.ReplyDelete
Sounds like things have been absolutely INSANE and stressful in your world, but I am glad to hear that they are beginning to settle themselves down. :)
Hang in there! I am glad you are finding ideas that will allow you to start over on your own, current terms.ReplyDelete
I just wanted to send you a big hug. While I can tell that there are many very overwhelming and heavy things hanging over your head right now, there is a little note of peace in this post and I love that. I hope you're able to grasp onto it during the tougher times. Sometimes we are thrown all sorts of things in life and they don't make sense at the time, but I do think that things have a way of working out...some way or another. Hugs again.ReplyDelete
Allie, you are amazing. I hope you realize that. Everything that you've been through with the school and the district and Lupus and life and yet here you are. Good job. :)ReplyDelete
Glad to see you pop up to say hello. :) When I decided to start blogging again about this move to Boston, I really debated if I wanted to go with Blogger or Wordpress. I don't like what Google is doing, forcing many people to use G+ accounts to comment on new Blogger blogs, but I've never liked the way Wordpress runs either. I asked Jason his opinion and he was telling me all about the security flaws/holes that keep cropping up on WP recently, and decided to stick with Blogger. I'm not even sure who all can comment, but since I'm doing this more as a personal journey, it doesn't much matter, I suppose. Anyway, I'll be commenting wherever you decide to blog, be it here or in another place. I hope you at least keep this blog private for yourself, so you don't lose the things you've put up over the years! About 15 months ago, I transferred years worth of book reviews into one private location and it's been wonderful, keeping my book thoughts all in one place without worrying about anyone ever having to read it. :)ReplyDelete
I'm sorry you're having to deal with so many different things right now! I know that blooging on top of that can be hard to do. I hope you'll share the wordpress account when you set it up!ReplyDelete
Wow, I totally empathize with your situation and send you sincere well wishes.ReplyDelete
I'm glad I googled your blog to finally read this. Sorry that you had so much trouble the last quarter of the school year and I hope things start to go better. I would be interested in reading a new blog because I always found your writing so interesting and I think it was your blog that I stumbled across through which I discovered the Classics Club. Best wishes for all you do in the future and hope to hear more of your reading adventures.ReplyDelete
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