I want to let you all know in advance that this may be a rambling post. There is a lot going on in my life right now, and I feel like filling you in on all of the details.
Tuesday is my last day in my long-term sub placement. Starting next Monday, I will only be working as a daily sub. If I don't get a job for the day, I will be at home. This is going to be a huge transition, since it has been a long time for me since I haven't had steady work. Besides the obvious financial strains, this is going to be hard for me mentally. I have the tendency to be either an insane workaholic or a lazy bum. I am worried about not keeping busy.
More than all of that, I am really sad to be leaving my kids. While the start of this year was a little unsteady, I have really hit my stride in the classroom. Of course, I always question what I have done as a teacher. I focus on the negative things that have happened; I worry that she will return to the room, talk to the kids, and realize that I didn't teach them enough. I know that sounds pretty silly, but I worry anyway.
I also know that I am going wonder how specific students are doing. One of the things I pride myself on as a teacher is my ability to form relationships with my kids. I still think about the kids I had during my student teaching year. That will gradually lessen as time passes...
More than anything, the last year of constant teaching has shown me that I truly DO want to teach. I just need a venue. And students.
On day, right?
In the meantime, I will continue to use my blog as a way to talk about my subjects and hopefully teach you all something (even if it is only the title of a book to read). That might explain why I went "challenge crazy" last weekend and joined so many. The idea of not having anything to do sends me into a panic. :)
We're also reaching the end of the calendar year and that has also put me into a reflective mood. I like to think about just what I have accomplished. And while I cannot add a permanent job to the list this year, I have done a lot to feel proud of. You can expect that as we near January 1, more of my thoughts on the past year will come out.
In regards to reading...
I think I was lucky enough to read 10 pages of my current book (The Portrait of a Lady). I haven't touched Purgatorio or The Heart of Darkness. I fail.
But, starting on Tuesday, I am making some strict goals to get through some things by the end of the weekend-basically those three titles. I know that it has been quiet over here since last weekend, but I ask that you be patient with me for a few more days. Once Tuesday is over with, I will have lots of time to devote to blogging and getting caught up.
In the meantime, let me know what you are up to with your own reading. What are you in the middle of? What did you just finish?
(I will live vicariously through you until I can actually write a post).
I'm sorry you still don't have a full-time teaching gig. :( But I hope 2012 brings good things!ReplyDelete
I am studying to be a teacher also. I find it very interesting that it seems to be so hard for teachers to get work. Over here in Australia it is usually not too difficult to get a job especially if you are willing to move.
I hope you seen get a permanent teaching post. It must be hard to leave the class after making the connection with the students.ReplyDelete
Right now I'm re-reading Jane Eyre and taking notes while reading Uglow's biography of Mrs. Gaskell.
Somehow I feel you are going to get that permanent teaching job sooner or later, and you will be phenomenal. I can totally understand your fears about the permanent teacher coming back (that is something in the teacher/substitute dynamic). He or she will probably be very grateful that you worked so hard with the students. As for reading and challenges, I went a little crazy signing up for challenges myself.I'm signed up for Thankfully Reading this weekend, and the Wolf Hall Readalong. Then I signed up for three challenges for 2012. Still thinking about Shakespeare too!ReplyDelete
You just said it right there...ReplyDelete
"I like to think about just what I have accomplished. And while I cannot add a permanent job to the list this year, I have done a lot to feel proud of."
Sure, no permanent job, but you are still ending the year proud of yourself, which is something not a lot of people can say. Remember you said this when you start to get down about the job.
I sympathize completely -- I know the feeling of having nothing to do, it just looms over you. And housework does not fill the void. I'd much rather be overscheduled than bored, it's too depressing. But you sound like an amazing teacher, I really hope you get something permanent soon! Any school would be lucky to have you.ReplyDelete
Did you know the female lead in A Portrait of a Lady was supposedly inspired by Louisa May Alcott's Jo March?ReplyDelete
Sending good thoughts and Thanksgiving wishes your way, Allie. x
That's so rough. I tend to be similar with the workaholic or lazy bit. I really like keeping busy so I try to always have projects going. I hope you find something full-time that you love!ReplyDelete
As you know, I just finished The House of Mirth. I need to gather my thoughts before I post on it, but I did love it.
I really think the mark of a good teacher is one who focuses on what he/she did not do well and adjusts. The death call of a good teacher is complacency and/or arrogance. And far too many teachers do the same thing semester to semester, year to year.ReplyDelete
I really hope you can find a full-time teaching job, Allie. I can tell you enjoy it, and I hate to see anyone unable to follow their dreams.ReplyDelete
Best of wishes as you transition to this next chapter, and enjoy your reading!
I'm happy that in the middle of all of this you discovered you really want to teach - that's something to feel proud of, even if it then opens another can of worms.ReplyDelete
Do you usually do a schedule with your read-alongs? I wanted to read Heart of Darkness with you, but don't know exactly when to start/post. Maybe it's better to postpone it, not to create unnecessary pressure.
By the way: Portrait of a Lady, Purgatory AND Heart of Darkness?! It's the season to be jolly, you deserve something lighter, that doesn't destroy your faith in humanity :P
I think it's great that yu've discovered wat you really want to do, and I'm sure the right opportunity will come along sooner or later.ReplyDelete
Since I graduated from college, my blog has been the only place where I can babble about books as much as I want. I'm really thankful I discovered this community.
I'm currently in the middle of Anna Karenina and Dubliners (the latter is driving me crazy). Looking forward to your thoughts on Heart of Darkness. :)